How Does the Quran Guide the Upbringing and Nurturing of Children?
Answered by Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Faiz Awad
Question
How does the Quran guide the upbringing and nurturing of children?
Answer
All praise is due to Allah, and Blessings and peace be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, companions, and those who align with him.
Undoubtedly, the Quran serves as a comprehensive source of guidance for all aspects of humanity. Those who seek guidance can find it within its verses, while others may persist in their state of transgression and ignorance. The Quran explicitly directs its guidance towards the early stages of human life, even preceding existence, by urging parents to pray for virtuous progeny and emphasizing the importance of following the examples set by the Messengers and the righteous in the upbringing of their children.
Lessons from Prophetic Narratives
The Quran narrates stories of Prophets and the righteous in the upbringing of their families like Ibrahim, Isma‘il, Ya‘qub, and Luqman; blessings and peace be upon them and others.
Ibrahim’s Example of Righteous Offspring
Regarding Ibrahim (blessings and peace be upon him), he prayed to Allah Most High to grant him righteous children, as Allah Most High narrates Ibrahim’s words: “My Lord! Bless me with righteous offspring.” [Quran, 37:100]
After Allah Most High answered his prayers and blessed him with Isma‘il and Ishaq (blessings and peace be upon them), Ibrahim raised them with the best upbringing, resulting in them being chosen for Prophethood. Allah Most High made Prophethood and the Scripture in Ibrahim’s descendants after Nuh (blessings and peace be upon him), with most Prophets from Ishaq’s lineage and the chief of Prophets and Messengers from Isma‘il’s lineage. Ibrahim’s vision, where he saw himself sacrificing Isma‘il, shows Ibrahim made his son patient and obedient, ready to submit to Allah’s command, even if it meant his sacrifice. Allah Most High says in the Quran: “Then when the boy reached the age to work with him, Abraham said, ‘O my dear son! I have seen in a dream that I must sacrifice you. So tell me what you think.’ He replied, ‘O my dear father! Do as you are commanded. Allah willing, you will find me steadfast.’” [Quran, 37:102]
Is there a more excellent upbringing than this, where a son, upon hearing about his potential sacrifice, does not question but submits to Allah’s will, indicating a profound and valuable upbringing behind such submission?
Isma‘il’s Emphasis on Prayer and Charity
Isma‘il (blessings and peace be upon him) is portrayed as instructing his family to perform prayers and give zakat, as the Quran mentions: “He used to urge his people to pray and give alms-tax. And his Lord was well pleased with him.” [Quran, 19:55] This emphasis on prayer and charity is crucial in upbringing, as prayer prevents immorality and wrongdoing and purifies a person; zakat purifies and expands one’s wealth in a halal manner.
Ya‘qub’s Final Counsel
Ya‘qub (blessings and peace be upon him), even in his final moments, counseled his children about the oneness of Allah Most High, as stated in the Quran: “Or did you witness when death came to Jacob? He asked his children, ‘Who will you worship after my passing?’ They replied, ‘We will (continue to) worship your God, the God of your forefathers—Abraham, Ishmael, and Isaac—the One God. And to Him we (all) submit.’” [Quran, 2:133].
This moment signifies Ya‘qub’s utmost concern for his children’s spiritual welfare over material matters.
Lessons from Surat Yusuf
A careful study of Surah Yusuf reveals exceptional parenting methods. Prophet Ya‘qub (blessings and peace be upon him) succeeded in raising his children despite their initial envy towards Yusuf. Ultimately, they repented and sought forgiveness from Allah Most High, who forgave them. Their father and brother Yusuf also forgave them. The story, being extensive, highlights various aspects of upbringing.
Quranic Affirmation of the Story’s Lessons
Allah Most High declares, “Indeed, in the story of Joseph and his brothers there are lessons for all who ask.” [Quran, 12:7]
These are signs, lessons, and profound meanings. Furthermore, Allah Most High emphasizes the importance of these lessons by describing them as lessons for those of understanding, stating, “In their stories, there is truly a lesson for people of reason. This message cannot be a fabrication; it is a confirmation of previous revelation, a detailed explanation of all things, a guide, and a mercy for people of faith.” [Quran, 12:111].
Surat Yusuf [Quran, 12:7, 111] offers profound educational insights. It teaches:
- Strong Father-Son Relationship:
This dynamic is vividly portrayed between Prophet Ya‘qub (blessings and peace be upon him) and his young son, Yusuf (blessings and peace be upon him). Their bond is so strong that Yusuf shares everything with his father, even his dreams. Allah Most High says: “(Remember) when Joseph said to his father, ‘O my dear father! Indeed I dreamt of eleven stars, and the sun, and the moon – I saw them prostrating to me!’” [Quran, 12:4]
This relationship fosters open communication and timely guidance from the father. - Caution and Awareness of Enemies’ Schemes:
Allah Most High instructs: “He replied, ‘O my dear son! Do not relate your vision to your brothers, or they will devise a plot against you. Surely Satan is a sworn enemy to humankind.’” [Quran, 12:5] This teaches that not everyone should be trusted with one’s inner thoughts and plans, promoting caution and discernment. - Parental Guidance in Shaping Children’s Future:
Allah’s words, “And so will your Lord choose you (O Joseph), and teach you the interpretation of dreams, and perfect His favour upon you and the descendants of Jacob – (just) as He once perfected it upon your forefathers, Abraham and Isaac. Surely your Lord is All-Knowing, All-Wise.” [Quran, 12:6] This highlights Ya‘qub’s role in nurturing Yusuf’s talents and ambitions, guiding him toward a future of knowledge and righteousness. He is a successful father who senses his son’s talents, discovers those inherent within his son’s essence, and then strives to nurture and help him achieve them. He instills in him high aspirations and noble goals to become a scholar, a reformer, and a beneficial member of his society, thus continuing the legacy of reformers. - Justice Among Siblings to Prevent Envy:
Allah Most High narrates that they said, “(Remember) when they said (to one another), ‘Surely Joseph and his brother (Benjamin) are more beloved to our father than we, even though we are a group of so many. Indeed, our father is clearly mistaken. Kill Joseph or cast him out to some (distant) land so that our father’s attention will be only ours, then after that you may (repent and) become righteous people!’” [Quran, 12:8-9]
We should not assume that Ya‘qub (blessings and peace be upon him) was unjust to his sons. Instead, loving some children more than others is a natural inclination a father cannot resist for various reasons. This was the case with Ya‘qub (blessings and peace be upon him), as his sons perceived his excessive love for Yusuf and his brother Benjamin (Benyamin), leading to envy towards the two brothers.
Thus, a father should conceal his excessive love for some of his children and treat them equally in appearance. This approach will help to eradicate envy among them, foster love and harmony, and thus protect the family from jealousy, envy, and disrespect. - The Necessity of Play for Children:
Play is vital for children’s development. Ya‘qub allowed Yusuf to go out with his brothers for this reason. Allah Most High said: “They said, ‘O our father! Why do you not trust us with Joseph, although we truly wish him well? Send him out with us tomorrow so that he may enjoy himself and play. And we will watch over him.’” [Quran, 12:11-12] From this, we see the importance of play for children. It is the realm in which they build their bodies, delight their souls, and nourish their selves. It is all good and also a prophetic desire.
Guidance from Luqman’s Advice to His Son
1. Warning Against Shirk (Associating Partners with Allah)
Allah Most High has narrated the advice of Luqman, blessings and peace be upon him, to his son, which includes excellent educational guidance in various aspects of life. This advice begins with a stern warning against Shirk, as Allah Most High narrates: “And (remember) when Luqman said to his son while advising him, ‘O my dear son! Never associate (anything) with Allah (in worship), for associating (others with Him) is truly the worst of all wrongs.’” [Quran, 31:13] It is crucial for a parent to educate their children about Tawhid (the oneness of Allah) and to caution them against associating partners with Him.
Commenting on this verse, Ibn ‘Ashur states: “Luqman started his son’s caution with the demand to refrain from Shirk with Allah Most High. This is because a soul, poised for purification and excellence, must initially be cleansed from the roots of corruption and misguidance. The correction of belief is fundamental to the rectification of deeds.
The basis of corrupted belief was primarily twofold: atheism or polytheism. Hence, his instruction ‘do not associate (anything) with Allah’ implicitly confirms the existence of a deity while denying the possibility of any partners in His divinity.” [Ibn ‘Ashur, Tahrir wa al-Tanwir, 21.155]
2. Command to Show Kindness to Parents
Luqman’s teachings also emphasize respect and kindness towards parents. This can be inferred from the verse where Allah says: “And We have commanded people to (honour) their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return. But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them. Still, keep their company in this world courteously.”
[Quran, 31:14-15]
When children understand and practice the importance of being dutiful to their parents, the education process becomes successful, God willing.
3. Gratitude to Allah
This lesson is derived from the same verse mentioned above, emphasizing, “Be grateful to Me.” Cultivating gratitude is vital, as those who are ungrateful to Allah Most High often feel dissatisfied with all aspects of life, leading to a life filled with worries and sorrows.
4. Awareness of Allah’s Omnipresence and Omniscience
Luqman’s teachings include the awareness of Allah’s all-encompassing knowledge, as he says to his son: “(Luqman added,) ‘O my dear son! (Even) if a deed were the weight of a mustard seed – be it (hidden) in a rock or the heavens or the earth – Allah will bring it forth. Surely Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware.’” [Quran, 31:16].
This verse also instills faith in the unseen.
5. Establishing prayer
The Quran narrates Luqman’s advice to his son about establishing prayer: “O my dear son! Establish prayer, encourage what is good, forbid what is evil, and endure patiently whatever befalls you. Surely, this is a resolve to aspire to.” [Quran, 31:17]
Ibn ‘Ashur explains that Luqman progressed from teaching his son the principles of faith to instructing him about the principles of righteous deeds, starting with establishing prayer. He states that prayer is a way to turn towards Allah with submission, glorification, and supplication at specific times according to the religious law that Luqman followed. It is the foundation of all deeds because it encompasses obedience to Allah and seeking guidance for performing good actions. [Ibn ‘Ashur, Tahrir wa al-Tanwir]
6. Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil
This principle is clearly stated in the previously mentioned verse. Ibn ‘Ashur comments that enjoining good encompasses all righteous deeds in general, requiring further elaboration within the scope of a father’s advice. Similarly, forbidding evil includes avoiding all bad deeds. Commanding his son to enjoin good and forbid evil implies that he should practice these principles himself, knowing the benefits and harms of actions. Thus, he advises his son to promote good and discourage evil, understanding their effects on himself and others. This approach combines wisdom and piety, guiding his son towards spreading righteousness and preventing vice. [Ibid.]
Shaykh Sha‘rawi emphasizes the essence of faith and its perfection, which is to desire for your brother what you wish for yourself. He interprets Luqman’s advice to his son: “…encourage what is good and forbid what is evil.” [Quran, 31:17] He suggests that one should focus on guiding others towards good and preventing evil after perfecting oneself through prayer.
This act of enjoining good and forbidding evil is not just a service to others but also benefits oneself. It brings peace and tranquillity in faith, as one fulfills their duties while others may fall short. Sha‘rawi notes that by ensuring others follow God’s path, one also finds comfort for oneself, as a society troubled by those straying from God’s path affects everyone. This principle reflects the completion of faith, where a commitment to communal well-being and moral integrity complements personal piety. [Sha‘rawi, Tafsir al-Sha‘rawi]
7. Patience
In his advice to his son, Luqman highlights the importance of patience, especially in the face of adversity. He says, “…endure patiently whatever befalls you.” [Quran, 31:17] The cultivation of patience is a significant aspect of upbringing.
Ibn ‘Ashur explains the connection between enjoining good, forbidding evil, and the necessity of patience. He points out that those who engage in enjoining good and forbidding evil might face hostility or harm from others. In such situations, patience becomes crucial. If one is not patient with the consequences of these actions, there is a risk of abandoning them altogether. In this context, patience is primarily for the individual’s spiritual benefit, as it is associated with great reward.
It’s not just about enduring harm from others but also about maintaining good conduct towards them. Hence, patience is counted among the actions that primarily benefit the individual who practices it. This interpretation aligns with Luqman’s subsequent advice, “And do not turn your nose up to people.” [Quran, 31:18], emphasizing that the primary intent of advising patience is not merely enduring harm but maintaining a dignified and humble demeanor in all interactions. [Ibn ‘Ashur, Tahrir wa al-Tanwir]
8. Avoiding Arrogance and Pride: Luqman’s Advice to His Son
Luqman’s counsel to his son includes a warning against arrogance and conceit. The Quran recounts Luqman’s words: “And do not turn your nose up to people, nor walk pridefully upon the earth. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant, boastful.” [Quran, 31:18]
Luqman teaches his son to treat others respectfully, avoiding disdain and arrogance. This entails presenting oneself as an equal among others and not considering oneself superior.
9. Moderation in Walking and Speaking: Ibn ‘Ashur’s Interpretation
In his Tafsir, Ibn ‘Ashur discusses the importance of moderation in one’s behavior, as advised by Luqman. After teaching proper conduct with others, Luqman addresses personal demeanor in walking and speaking, as they are the most apparent indicators of a person’s manners.
“Moderation” (qasd) implies a balanced state between two extremes. In walking, it means maintaining a balance between strutting and slouching. In speaking, it involves avoiding both loud and inaudible speech. The Quran advises: “Be moderate in your pace. And lower your voice, for the ugliest of all voices is certainly the braying of donkeys.” [Quran, 31:19] [Ibn ‘Ashur, Tahrir wa al-Tanwir]
These profound and valuable teachings from a father to his son are crucial for every parent to remember and impart to their children, fostering a balanced, respectful, and humble approach to life.
[Shaykh] Dr. Muhammad Faiz Awad
