Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Reality of Marriage – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
This is the first of a series of articles based on the On-Demand Course Conflict Resolution in Marriage. This course delves into the Islamic guidance on resolving marital conflicts, drawing insights from the Quran, the Sunna of the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace), scholarly wisdom, and contemporary perspectives.
The Foundations of Marriage in Islam
One of the key starting points for understanding conflict resolution in marriage is to reflect on the purpose and significance of marriage as outlined in the Quran. Among the oft-recited verses during wedding ceremonies is where Allah states:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [Quran, 30:21]
This verse encapsulates the essence of marriage, emphasizing that it is a divine sign pointing to Allah’s wisdom and mercy. The Quran’s verses, while profound on the surface, also offer deeper layers of meaning that provide timeless guidance.
Marriage as a Divine Sign
Marriage is framed in the Quran as one of Allah’s “wondrous signs.” In Islamic theology, a sign directs our attention beyond the apparent, encouraging reflection on the Creator’s greatness. Marriage, therefore, is not just a social contract or a means of companionship; it is a reflection of divine wisdom and mercy.
- A Blessing for Humanity: At a societal level, marriage is the cornerstone of civilization. It fosters stability, continuity, and the nurturing of future generations. Faith and guidance are often preserved and transmitted through the family unit, which is upheld by the bond of marriage.
- Fulfilling Human Needs: On an individual level, marriage fulfills various human needs:
- Physical Needs: It provides a lawful outlet for physical intimacy.
- Emotional Needs: Marriage offers solace, companionship, and emotional security. The Quran beautifully describes spouses as garments for one another, symbolizing mutual protection, comfort, and dignity.
- Social Needs: Marriage facilitates collaboration and participation in society, building a sense of belonging and shared purpose.
- Spiritual Needs: In the spiritual journey of life, spouses support one another in worship, character development, and navigating trials.
Islam encourages us to go beyond surface definitions and explore the deeper realities of concepts like marriage. The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) often prompted reflection by redefining common notions. For instance:
- The strong person is not the one who overpowers others but the one who controls their anger.
- The truly bankrupt individual is not the one without wealth but the one who loses their good deeds due to injustices committed against others.
Applying this principle, marriage is more than a union—it is a dynamic relationship that serves as a sign of Allah’s creative power and wisdom. It calls for commitment, understanding, and a shared journey toward spiritual and personal growth.
Marriage is a profound commitment, a covenant that carries immense spiritual, emotional, and societal weight. While friends may come and go, a life companion committed to staying with you through thick and thin represents an unparalleled blessing. This commitment touches every aspect of our lives—physical, emotional, social, and spiritual—and extends even into the afterlife.
The Quranic verse on marriage also provides essential lessons for resolving conflicts within the marital relationship:
- Focus on Tranquility: The primary purpose of marriage is to establish peace and solace. When conflicts arise, couples should strive to restore this tranquility by addressing issues with compassion and wisdom.
- Affection and Mercy: The bond between spouses is characterized by love and mercy. These qualities should guide every interaction, especially during disagreements. This involves active listening, empathy, and a willingness to compromise.
- Reflection and Mindfulness: Allah ends the verse by reminding us of the signs for those who reflect. In moments of conflict, stepping back to reflect on the bigger picture can help couples reconnect with the divine purpose of their union.
A Personal and Communal Blessing
Marriage is not just a blessing for individuals but also a broader blessing for humanity and community. On a personal level, it fulfills our innate needs: companionship, love, and support in life’s trials and triumphs. It nurtures our physical and emotional well-being, providing stability and strength. On a communal level, marriage strengthens the social fabric, laying the foundation for family and fostering moral and spiritual growth.
The Challenges of Marriage
However, marriage is not meant to be easy. It is both a test and an opportunity for growth. The challenges inherent in sharing life with a spouse refine our character. The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) reminded us of the virtue of maintaining good character within the marital relationship. He said, as narrated in Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud, “The best of you are those best to their spouses, and I am the best of you to my spouses.”
Who else but a spouse can test our patience, tolerance, and understanding more? They see us at our most vulnerable moments, and disagreements or frustrations are inevitable. These moments, however, are an opportunity to seek the pleasure of Allah through patience, kindness, and fulfilling our spouse’s rights. Such tests in marriage become a means of spiritual growth, helping us draw closer to Allah and earning His immense reward in the next life.
Gratitude in Marriage
Seeing marriage as a divine blessing requires gratitude. Gratitude for the spouse Allah has chosen for you. Gratitude for the journey that brought you together. Gratitude for the love, companionship, and support that sustains you.
Imagine someone preparing a meal for you with great care and effort. You wouldn’t dismiss it or complain about a single bite that may not suit your taste. Instead, you would appreciate the effort, recognize its value, and express your gratitude. Similarly, marriage requires recognizing it as a divine gift, appreciating it, and responding with gratitude—not just to your spouse but ultimately to Allah.
Marriage is a means, not an end. Its ultimate purpose is to bring us closer to Allah. Whether through moments of joy or trials, marriage teaches us to transcend our egos and align our actions with what is pleasing to Allah. Conflict resolution in marriage is not merely about resolving disagreements but about fostering a partnership that fulfills spiritual, emotional, and social needs. Let us strive to embody these principles in our relationships and reflect the beauty of this divine institution in our lives.
See Articles in this Series
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Reality of Marriage – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
- The Pillars of Marriage
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Insights from Sura Hujurat
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Wisdom, Fairness, and the Four Horsemen
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Building a Loving and Respectful Marriage
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: A Comprehensive Guide – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Importance of Addressing Harm in Relationships
- Conflict Resolution in Marriage: The Art of Deep Listening and Positive Communication
