Conflict Resolution: The Middle Way
This is the fourth in a series of articles on the key principles of dealing with conflict in accordance with the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) from the seminar The Prophetic Principles of Conflict Resolution.
Allah says:
لَقَدْ مَنَّ ٱللَّهُ عَلَى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذْ بَعَثَ فِيهِمْ رَسُولًۭا مِّنْ أَنفُسِهِمْ يَتْلُوا۟ عَلَيْهِمْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ وَيُزَكِّيهِمْ وَيُعَلِّمُهُمُ ٱلْكِتَـٰبَ وَٱلْحِكْمَةَ وَإِن كَانُوا۟ مِن قَبْلُ لَفِى ضَلَـٰلٍۢ مُّبِينٍ
“Allah has shown truly boundless favor to believers when He sent them a messenger of themselves who recites to them His verses, makes them grow to full purity in faith and deed, and teaches them the Book and wisdom; While the whole time before they had been plainly astray.” [Quran, 3:164; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
Why “of themselves”? He (Allah bless him and give him peace) understands their pain. He knows their problems. And he knows their weaknesses. He (Allah bless him and give him peace) recites for them the Quran and Allah says:
لَوْ أَنزَلْنَا هَـٰذَا ٱلْقُرْءَانَ عَلَىٰ جَبَلٍۢ لَّرَأَيْتَهُۥ خَـٰشِعًۭا مُّتَصَدِّعًۭا مِّنْ خَشْيَةِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ
“Had We sent down this Quran upon a very mountain, you had seen it humbled meekly low, shattered asunder from dread of Allah” [Quran, 59:21; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
He (Allah bless him and give him peace) took all the difficulty and all the hardships when the Quran was coming down.
It is reported that once, he (Allah bless him and give him peace) was on his camel, when the revelation came, the camel fell down. Allah made the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) the greatest example for us, Allah says:
لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِى رَسُولِ ٱللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌۭ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱلْيَوْمَ ٱلْـَٔاخِرَ
“Verily you have in the Messenger of Allah a splendid example for whoever hopes in Allah and the Last Day.” [Quran, 33:21. tr; Keller, Quran Beheld]
مَّن یُطِعِ ٱلرَّسُولَ فَقَدۡ أَطَاعَ ٱللَّهَۖ
“Whoever obeys the Messenger has obeyed Allah.” [Quran, 4:80; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
Abu Idris al Khawlani, the Imam, Judge, and Scholar of Damascus said, “When I came to Damascus, I saw a young man with shiny teeth, everyone was coming around him and they were asking questions, so I said, “Who is this man?” They said, “This is Mu‘adh ibn Jabal, the companion of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace).”
Love for the Sake of Allah
When Allah shows you good, you have to run to it. Prophet Musa (upon him be peace) was a prophet. He was not arrogant to learn. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Once Moses stood up and addressed Bani Israel. He was asked who was the most learned man amongst the people. He said, ‘I.’ Allah admonished him as he did not attribute absolute knowledge to Him (Allah).
So, Allah said to him, ‘Yes, at the junction of the two seas there is a Slave of Mine who is more learned than you.’ Moses said, ‘O my Lord! How can I meet him?’” With knowledge comes humility. With knowledge comes a thirst to learn more. Allah says:
وَقُل رَّبِّ زِدْنِى عِلْمًۭا
“Though ever say: ‘My Lord, increase me in knowledge.’” [Quran, 20:114; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
Abu Idris al Khawlani saw Mu‘adh ibn Jabal, the next day, he came in the early morning, before Fajr, in order to have a special time with him. Shiny teeth shows our master Mu‘adh was smiling a lot. Abu Idris said to Mu’adh, “I love you for the sake of Allah.” Our master Mu‘adh said, “By Allah, you love me for the sake of Allah?” Abu Idris said to Mu‘adh, “I love you for the sake of Allah.” Our master Mu’adh asked him a question, “By Allah, you love me for the sake of Allah?”, Abu Idris replied, “Yes, I love you for the sake of Allah.” This happened three times then our master Mu‘adh reportedly told him he only asked him that because the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
قَالَ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ وَجَبَتْ مَحَبَّتِي لِلْمُتَحَابِّينَ فِيَّ وَالْمُتَجَالِسِينَ فِيَّ وَالْمُتَزَاوِرِينَ فِيَّ وَالْمُتَبَاذِلِينَ فِيَّ
Allah Almighty said: My love is assured for those who love each other for my sake, sit together for my sake, visit each other for my sake, and spend on each other for my sake.
Beauty, Honor, Dignity
Look at the beauty you get as a reward for loving. We are a nation of honor and dignity. Allah said:
وَلَقَدۡ كَرَّمۡنَا بَنِیۤ ءَادَمَ
“Verily We have loftily honored the offspring of Adam.” [17:70; tr. Keller, Quran Beheld]
Honor and dignity are precious. Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “By Him in Whose Hand my soul is! You will not enter Jannah until you believe, and you shall not believe until you love one another. May I inform you of something, if you do, you love each other? Promote greeting amongst you (by saying As-salamu ‘alaikum to one another)”
These two Hadiths are an introduction to the issue of problems and conflicts in our relationships. This is natural. When we interact, problems will arise, but our love for each other should be more than any obstacle.
