Tying The Knot: The Importance of Knowledge, Rights, and Responsibilities in Marriage – Shaykh Muhammad Carr
This is the third in a series of articles based on the On-Demand Course Tying the Knot: Rights, Responsibilities, and Balance. This course offers insights into the timeless wisdom of the Islamic teachings on marriage, helping couples and those preparing for marriage to embrace their roles with compassion, fairness, and spiritual mindfulness.
Gratitude and Seeking Knowledge
A beautiful and profound narration of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) states that Allah (Most High) is not worshiped by a deed more meritorious than seeking to gain understanding of religion. True consciousness of Allah is only possible through fulfilling His commands and staying away from His prohibitions. This is achievable only by acquiring knowledge of what His commands and prohibitions are. May Allah (Most High) increase us in knowledge and wisdom.
The Challenge of Addressing Marital Rights and Responsibilities
Discussing marital rights and responsibilities is both an honor and a challenge. The significance of this topic is profound, and there is always a concern that its depth might not be fully conveyed. However, just as a supplication that begins and ends with peace and blessings upon the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) is hoped to be accepted in its entirety, we take solace in the hope that this discussion, though imperfect, will be beneficial.
Understanding Marital Rights and Responsibilities
Marriage is a sacred contract that entails both rights and responsibilities. It is essential for individuals to understand these aspects to build a harmonious marriage. Every human being has inherent rights, and in an Islamic paradigm, even a fetus in the womb possesses rights, such as inheritance, should the father pass away before birth.
Understanding rights and obligations helps shape realistic expectations within marriage. A lack of clarity regarding these aspects can lead to misplaced expectations and misunderstandings. Since marriage is a contractual agreement, it is vital to be aware of its terms to minimize risks and uncertainties.
Marriage as a Contract and Its Risks
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) forbade contracts that involve excessive uncertainty or risk. For example, if one were to sell a laptop for an unspecified price, the risk involved would render the contract invalid. Similarly, entering marriage without understanding the rights and responsibilities legislated by Allah is akin to engaging in a contract with unknown terms. While some risks in marriage are inevitable, knowledge of Islamic marital laws significantly reduces misunderstandings.
For instance, even in a dual-income household, Islamic teachings place the responsibility of maintenance—providing housing, food, and clothing—upon the husband. If one enters marriage unaware of this, incorrect expectations may arise. Ignorance, therefore, can lead to self-inflicted harm, causing unnecessary conflicts.
The Foundation of Islamic Law in Marital Relations
Before delving into the specific rights and obligations within marriage, it is crucial to understand the nature of Islamic law. The laws of Allah (Most High) are His divine guidance governing human actions. Every action within marriage, such as intimacy, is addressed by Allah’s guidance, detailing what is permissible and what is not.
The Divine Blessing of Guidance
Allah (Most High), out of His immense grace and mercy, has created us and provided guidance through His messengers. This guidance is not for Allah’s benefit but rather for ours, facilitating a life aligned with His divine wisdom. Understanding and implementing this guidance in marriage ensures a balanced, just, and fulfilling relationship between spouses.
Material blessings, such as a house or a car, provide temporary benefits limited to this world. Once a person passes away, they no longer benefit from these possessions. However, religious blessings, such as the laws ordained by Allah, provide benefits in both this world and the Hereafter. This makes them far more significant than material blessings.
Allah has revealed laws not because He is in need of them, but for the benefit of mankind. He created us and, in His mercy, provided us with guidance to regulate our lives. His laws are designed to draw benefit to us and to protect us from harm.
The Nature of Divine Laws
The laws of Allah are not designed to be equal in a mathematical sense but rather to be complementary. They establish balance rather than uniformity. This is evident in Islamic inheritance laws, where a wife may receive one-eighth of an estate while a son may receive half. At first glance, this appears unequal. However, the son has a responsibility to financially support his mother and other dependents, making the distribution complementary rather than strictly equal.
The divine laws aim to create harmony, balance, and beauty in society. When balance is maintained, beauty flourishes; when balance is lost, beauty diminishes.
Balance in Marriage
Marriage, as governed by the laws of Allah, is also based on complementarity rather than equality. True beauty in a relationship comes from each spouse complementing the other, rather than being identical. Just as in nature, balance is essential to maintaining harmony and ensuring stability.
A beautiful marriage is one that operates in harmony. If one spouse falls short in complementing the other, the other may need to make sacrifices to maintain the balance. The greatest beauty is found when individuals go beyond their personal comfort to preserve the wholeness of their relationship.
The Concept of Beauty and Symmetry
Beauty in Islam is closely linked to symmetry and harmony. A person’s external actions should align with their internal beliefs. A two-faced person, for example, is considered deceitful because there is a contradiction between their inner reality and outer behavior.
Truthfulness is one of the highest virtues in Islam. It is achieved when a person’s internal state is in harmony with their external actions, ensuring that there is no hypocrisy.
This principle of symmetry extends beyond the individual to relationships. When entering a marriage, each spouse must strive to complement the other, creating harmony rather than uniformity. This harmony is the essence of beauty in Islam.
The Threat to Balance: Misplaced Hope
One of the greatest threats to balance and harmony is misplaced hope (Tam’). Hope can be positive or negative, depending on its application.
- Positive Hope – Hoping for something that is difficult but noble, such as martyrdom in the path of Allah, is a virtuous hope. Even if something is impossible in a worldly sense—such as the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) hoping to meet his future followers—this type of hope remains praiseworthy.
- Negative Hope – When a person desires something impossible or something that Allah has forbidden, this type of hope becomes harmful. It can lead to dissatisfaction, envy, or the pursuit of things that ultimately harm one’s faith and well-being.
In seeking knowledge about marital rights and responsibilities, we equip ourselves with the tools to foster a successful and harmonious marriage. By prioritizing our obligations over our rights and aligning our expectations with divine guidance, we create a strong foundation for a blessed marital life.
Allah’s laws are designed to benefit humanity and regulate life in a way that creates balance and harmony. Whether in personal conduct, marriage, or societal structures, true beauty lies in complementarity rather than strict equality. Understanding and embracing this balance leads to a fulfilling life both in this world and the Hereafter.
May Allah grant us the wisdom to appreciate His divine laws and the strength to uphold them.
