Tying The Knot: Resolving Marital Disputes – Shaykh Muhammad Fayez Awad
This is the sixth and final in a series of articles based on the On-Demand Course Tying the Knot: Rights, Responsibilities, and Balance. This course offers insights into the timeless wisdom of the Islamic teachings on marriage, helping couples and those preparing for marriage to embrace their roles with compassion, fairness, and spiritual mindfulness.
Marital disputes are a reality of life. No household, no matter how righteous or pious, is entirely free from differences of opinion between spouses. Even in the home of the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace), disagreements arose. However, the approach to resolving such disputes, based on principles of love, mercy, and patience, provides us with a framework to handle marital conflicts effectively.
Understanding the Foundation of Marriage
Allah has created men and women as distinct beings, each with their own nature, psychology, and way of thinking. In Sura Rum, Allah says:
“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them, and He has placed between you affection and mercy. Surely in this, there are signs for people who reflect.” [Quran, 30:21]
This verse highlights the divine purpose of marriage: to foster affection and mercy between partners. Differences in opinion are natural, but they should not lead to discord and animosity. Recognizing these differences and addressing them with wisdom and patience is essential for a healthy marriage.
The Example of the Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace)
The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) set an example of how to handle marital disagreements with kindness, patience, and understanding. There were times when differences arose between him and his wives, yet he always managed them with wisdom and compassion. One well-known incident involved Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with him), who visited his daughter Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) and found her raising her voice at the Prophet. Instead of reacting harshly, the Prophet intervened calmly, diffusing the situation and later lightening the mood with humor.
The Prophet’s approach teaches us that love, humor, and patience can help in de-escalating conflicts and restoring harmony within the household.
The Importance of Mercy and Affection
Marriage is not a relationship of authority and oppression but one based on mutual respect, love, and mercy. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) exemplified this in his relationship with his wives. He openly appreciated their sacrifices and contributions. For instance, he once said about Khadija (Allah be pleased with her):
“She believed in me when people disbelieved. She affirmed my truthfulness when people denied me. She supported me with herself and her wealth.”
This acknowledgment underscores the importance of mutual appreciation and gratitude in marriage, which can help in preventing and resolving conflicts.
Patience: A Key to Resolving Marital Disputes
Patience (sabr) is a crucial quality in any marriage. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) advised men to be patient with their wives, understanding their nature. He compared women to a rib, explaining that if one tries to straighten it forcefully, it will break, but if left, it will remain as it is. This analogy emphasizes the need for understanding and tolerance in marital relationships.
Similarly, women should also exercise patience with their husbands, recognizing the pressures and responsibilities they bear. Mutual patience fosters resilience in the relationship and allows couples to navigate challenges effectively.
Practical Steps for Resolving Marital Disputes
- Effective Communication: Couples should openly discuss their concerns with kindness and respect.
- Empathy and Understanding: Recognizing each other’s perspectives helps in finding common ground.
- Forgiveness and Letting Go: Holding onto grievances only deepens conflicts.
- Seeking Mediation: If disputes persist, seeking help from trusted family members or religious counselors can be beneficial.
- Strengthening Faith: A strong relationship with Allah leads to a stronger marital bond, as both partners strive to fulfill their roles with sincerity and righteousness.
Recognizing Differences in Creation
Men and women are created with distinct characteristics and qualities. Rather than attempting to change each other, spouses should recognize and appreciate these differences. The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) compared a woman to a rib, emphasizing that just as the rib is naturally curved and serves an essential function in protecting vital organs, women play a vital role in nurturing and providing comfort. This comparison is not meant to be disparaging but rather to highlight the value of women in society and within the family unit.
Islam acknowledges the inherent nature of both genders. Men are often looked to for their strength, protective nature, and role as providers, while women are seen as nurturers, caregivers, and the heart of the household. These roles are complementary rather than hierarchical, and both contribute equally to the stability of the family.
Trust and Positive Assumptions in Marriage
A crucial aspect of a successful marriage is trust. The absence of trust breeds doubt and suspicion, leading to discord. Spouses should strive to think positively of each other and avoid unnecessary suspicion. Modern challenges, such as social media and constant digital communication, often fuel distrust, making it essential for couples to establish open and honest communication.
Allah warns against spying and backbiting. This principle is even more critical within a marriage, where suspicion can turn love into resentment and companionship into a game of mutual surveillance.
The Role of Communication in Resolving Conflicts
Effective dialogue is a fundamental tool in resolving marital disputes. Islam encourages rational, meaningful, and respectful communication based on the principles of the Sharia. Instead of raising voices or resorting to harsh words, couples should approach conflicts with patience and understanding. Both partners should listen to each other’s perspectives and work together to find a solution that benefits their relationship.
The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) advised against surprising one’s family after a long absence, highlighting the importance of trust and mutual respect. This guidance teaches that even within the closest relationships, privacy and consideration must be maintained.
Strengthening Marital Bonds Through Islamic Principles
By adhering to Islamic teachings, couples can build a strong foundation for their marriage. Trust, patience, and effective communication are the keys to overcoming challenges. The alarming rate of divorce today is often a result of neglecting these fundamental principles. However, through conscious effort and adherence to the Sunnah, couples can restore harmony and cultivate a loving and fulfilling marital life.
May Allah bless every couple with understanding, love, and success in their marriages, and may He remove discord from all Muslim families.
