How Can I Go Through a Forced Engagement Ceremony?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m 33, divorced without kids. Recently my parents talked to me about a 22-year-old man, and I refused as I did Istikhara. I don’t like him physically and my heart doesn’t accept him for some reason. I don’t know why my dad accepted their proposal. I don’t want this. Is there any way to cancel this?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your fear and frustration and I pray that you can communicate clearly what you want to your parents and tell them they cannot force you.

Steps

It says in the Reliance of the Traveller:

“m3.13 […] As for the nonvirgin of sound mind, no one may marry her to another after she has reached puberty without her express permission, no matter whether the guardian is the father, father’s father, or someone else.”

If your parents refuse to listen, I suggest that you find an intermediary to speak for you and explain the matter to them. Or you could do what your father said. You could get engaged, talk to him, get to know him, pray istikhara again, and then if you are still against it, tell your father that you want to end the engagement and don’t let anyone force you.

Dua

Please make this Quranic supplication daily:

رَبِّ اِنّي مَغْلُوبٌ فَانْتَصِرْ

“My Lord I have been overcome, so help [me]. [Quran, 54:10]

Please see more details here:

How Can I Make My Parents Stop Forcing Me to Get Married?

If I Am Forced to Marry Someone, Must I Get a Divorce in Order to Marry Someone Else?

What Should My Sister Do as She Is Being Forced to Meet Someone for Marriage?

How Do I Deal with Being Forced to Marry Someone I Don’t Love?

How Do I Deal With Parents Who Forced My Marriage and Now Are Forcing My Second Marriage?

Can My Mother Force Me to Marry Someone?

Is It Haram for Me to Reject My Parent’s Decision to Force Me to Marry Someone?

How Can a Girl Leave a Marriage That She Was Forced Into?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.