How Can I Deal with My Husband Who Never Forgave Me for Fornication?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am looking for guidance about zina (fornication). My husband needs me to please his entire family on this. I committed zina and have conveyed my regret to him, and I’m ready to apologize again and again to him. He has not even sat with me and spoken with me all these years, and they are adding up. I made a mistake when I made this blunder. I’m a deep depression, and please suggest something.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration at what you have gotten yourself into, and I pray that you can somehow rekindle your relationship with your husband or find a better solution.

Your Lord

I am unsure if your zina happened before you were married or after, but repentance is your first step to rectify your relationship with Allah Most High. It appears that you have already repented, and I’m sure Allah will forgive you due to your sincerity, by His grace. It would help if you devoted yourself to fulfilling your obligations to Allah and learning his religion correctly, and slowly transform yourself into a different person.

Please find solace in this verse:
“Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]

Your Husband

Apologizing to your husband, again and again, is wrong; one need only apologize once. Many couples have recovered from a blunder like this, and it is possible with effort, forgiveness, and an open heart. As for your husband and in-laws, if he has stayed upset with you all these years, you should pray istikhara about your options. Is it better to stay married to him? Will he be able to forgive? If the Creator of the Universe can forgive you, why can’t he? It is not necessary or correct to live under the shame of one’s past sins that one has already repented.

His Family

Because you have already repented and apologized, I would say that you owe his family nothing. It would help if you only focused now on your mental health, bettering yourself in your religion and your worldly education, and making something of yourself. You must seek out what is right for you, you must make new friends, and you must burst out of this sad cocoon that you are stuck in. Please seek a therapist, and start some awrad (regular devotional act, such as dhikr). You are not getting your rights in this marriage, and I suggest you wholeheartedly pray istikhara about starting anew.

Please see these links as well:
How Can I Get Over the Guilt of Cheating on My Husband?
My Wife Has Confessed to Having an Affair. What Should I Do?
My Wife Cheated on Me with Another Man

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani 

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.