Can I Marry My Secret Girlfriend?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am 19 and now in a relationship with a girl I love. I don’t want our relationship to be haram anymore. Does marrying make our relationship halal? Is there any hadith to guide me to convince my parents? If we both repent after marrying, is our repentance acceptable to Allah Most High?

Answer

May Allah reward you for reaching out and asking what to do. It is wise of you to seek a halal solution to this love, and that is marriage.

Istikhara

Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance. First, ask Allah whether you should pursue marriage with her. Pray for seven days, especially in the last third of the night (before dawn). It would help if you did not have any communication with her while you did this. It would help if you had a clear head and not be distracted.

If you feel optimistic about it, speak to your parents with respect, honesty, and seriousness. Have a financial plan in place as well. It is dignified and respectable to take the correct means to get married. It would help if you slowed down your communication with her during this time because you need to focus on achieving this marriage. Once your parents agree, you can go with your parents to her house and speak to her parents.

If you feel negative about it, take steps to cut her out of your life. Please don’t make yourself a slave of lust or get more emotionally attached when Allah Most High has guided you to leave her in your past. The pain will be terrible but following what is right is essential to your happiness and success in this life and the next.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return.” [Ahmad] If it doesn’t work out, it is time for you to put your trust in Allah Most High and expect something magnificent instead. It may come from whence you don’t expect it.

Tawba

Your partner and yourself should repent to Allah Most High for this illicit relationship and know He is there to hear your supplication. Your repentance is always good enough for Allah.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said, ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. O son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]

Turn to Allah Most High, perform your duties to Him, and ask Him to guide you to a halal and more fulfilling life. Commit to following Allah and His messenger religion correctly. May Allah Most High bless you with a perfectly suited wife, whomever she may be, that will be a garment for you, and you a garment for her.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.