Is It Wrong to Pray Day and Night to Get My Boyfriend Back?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I really need help. My ex-boyfriend told me he doesn’t love me anymore and he is better off without me. He never wants to come back to me, and he wants nothing to do with me. Yet I keep finding myself making 20 rak‘as extra for him every day. I pray for him to love me and fall in love with me again. I pray for him to be loyal, to have emotion and empathy toward me, and to care about me. But everything I made dua for literally happened in the opposite way. I still love him and make dua for him. Should I just stop? I’m so broken and feel like my world is ending.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your pain and suffering and I pray that you see that this happened for a good reason and that you must move on with your life and devote yourself to your Lord.
Repent
You are now back in control of your life, and you must start with repentance. When you have given your heart to someone illicitly in the way that you had, you can be blinded by it, as before marriage, the feelings are lust and not love. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.” [Abu Dawud] Repentance will wipe away your sin and, by the grace of Allah, give you peace of mind.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “One who repents from sin is like someone without sin.” [Ibn Maja]
Transform Yourself
I want you to step back and see that Allah (Most High) has done you a grand favor. Take this as a sign of Allah’s pleasure. He wants you to pray 20 cycles of prayer for Him, not for your ex-boyfriend. He wants you to do your obligatory deeds and avoid the haram. He wants you to remember him, pray to him, repent to Him and devote yourself to Him. Being this man’s girlfriend was demeaning, degrading and disrespectful to who you are. I don’t care if he comes running back to you; don’t ever contact him again; he is not marriage material.
Marriage
Eventually, when you choose a spouse, you must take the advice of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). He told Muslims what to prefer in this hadith and it applies to both genders: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim] Don’t give your heart to another man again unless you are married to him. Pray istikhara about any proposal, involve your parents, and choose for religion. No more boyfriends.
Turn to Allah
Pray on time, read some Quran every day, and learn about the halals and harams of daily life. Closeness to Allah gives one better judgment and clarity.
Abu Dharr (Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “Allah Almighty says: Whoever comes with a good deed will have the reward of ten like it and even more. Whoever comes with an evil deed will be recompensed for one evil deed like it or he will be forgiven. Whoever draws close to me by the length of a hand, I will draw close to him by the length of an arm. Whoever draws close to me by the length of an arm, I will draw close to him by the length of a fathom. Whoever comes to me walking, I will come to him running. Whoever meets me with enough sins to fill the earth, not associating any idols with me, I will meet him with as much forgiveness.” [Muslim]
Please see these links as well:
- How to Deal with a Break-Up in a Haram Relationship?
- I Broke up With a Man and Cannot Stop Thinking About Him. What Do I Do?
- Should I Marry My Boyfriend, or Break Off the Relationship?
- Should I Ignore My Doubts after My Ex-boyfriend Proposed and Everyone Is Happy about It?
- Can I Ask Allah To Give Me Back My Ex-Boyfriend?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
