How Do I Cope With the Pain and Despair of Committing Fornication?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I recently slept with four escorts and kissed a girl at a very young age. I’m so ashamed of myself because I have no hope. I don’t want to brag but Allah has given me a blessed life, a great family, success in school and sports, I believe Allah has always helped me in my life yet I let Allah down so many times. Everyone in my family views me as this wonderful person but they have no clue what a sinful idiot I am. Everyone always tells me Allah forgives all sins.

Answer

Thank you for your question. It is true that Allah forgives all sins, but if you really want to be a better person, you will have to squash your ego and force yourself to change, the effort will be worth it.

Fornication

The enormity of fornication is serious and I know that you know that. The best thing for you is to figure out how to prevent this from happening again. Try this website which is a safe place for Muslims with sexual addictions: Purify Your Gaze

Triggers

It won’t be easy, but you are able to change yourself. Draw on every bit of strength that you have, and eliminate all triggers from your life. Do you normally see an escort when you are stressed, when you have extra cash on you, or when you pass by a certain area? These are all triggers, so take the means to prevent them. Don’t keep cash on you, don’t drive through those areas, and deal with stress through prayer, or dhikr, or sports or seeing friends, or something else.

Marriage

If your lust is your biggest test, and these urges are natural and normal, then you should marry, in order to satisfy it legally. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “Whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a restraint for him.“ [Nasa’i]

Repentance

Repentance is a wonderful thing because you feel remorse, beg Allah for forgiveness and ask Allah to help you not to commit it again. Allah doesn’t turn away from His sincere servants when they want nearness to Him and He is ready for forgiveness at all times. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “If anyone meets God, not having treated anything as equal to Him in the world, and has committed sins equal in quantity to the mountains, God will forgive him.” [Bayhaqi]
What Are the Conditions of Making Tawba?

Despair

So use your sadness for change and action, and don’t despair of Allah’s mercy.  Allah has told us in these very reassuring words, “Say, ˹O Prophet, that Allah says,˺ ‘O My servants who have exceeded the limits against their souls! Do not lose hope in Allah’s mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’” [Quran, 39:53] If you find yourself slipping, continuously repent, and follow it up with a good deed, such as giving charity.

Action

It’s time for you to take steps. Ask Allah to show you how to change, and do it solely for Allah and His Messenger. Consider this prophetic injunction: “Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people.” [Tirmidhi]

Here are some ideas:

• Pray on time daily
• Read some Qur’an daily with the meaning, even if only half a page
• Eliminate irreligious influences from your life
• Keep the company of the pious, come to the mosque early for the Friday Prayer to contemplate and read
• Eat out less, eat less red meat. Fast more often.
• Reduce your screen time, eliminate music videos and anything else with inappropriate content
• When your thoughts move to lust, pull them back and make remembrance of Allah, don’t let your thoughts go wild
• Take a free course here at Seekers on spirituality, aqidah, absolute essentials of worship, seerah, and anything else that you find interesting.
• Sleep early and rise early to get the most blessings out of your time.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.