Confused After Breaking-up With My Boyfriend
Question: I am a 24-year-old girl who was in a haram relationship with a boy for a year and then broke up with him. There is much guilt inside me, how can I move on? I know I wronged my future spouse. I want to break all attachment to this fellow because he is not good for me but Shaytaan gives me waswasa that I must marry him because we sinned together. What can I do?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you fell into this trap of giving into your desires without a nikkah, but I am certain that your repentance will be accepted and that you will be able to move on.
Repentance
The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “When half of the night or two-third of it is over, Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak”[Muslim].
Please see the conditions of repentance here:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/featured-articles/what-are-the-conditions-of-making-tawba-transcript-ustadh-abdullah-misra/
Marrying him
Do not marry him unless he will make a good life-partner for you. Your previous relationship with him does NOT necessarily make him suitable to marry you. It seems to me that you already know that he is not right for you, so try to move on and pray that Allah sends you a pious spouse. Ignore this waswasa and know that these are the things that you should be looking for in a spouse:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/marriage-and-divorce/look-marrying-somone-deen/
Moving on
Here are a few steps that you can take:
- Make tawba for being in an unlawful relationship and resolve never to repeat this
- Attach your heart to Allah and His Messenger and strive to fulfill your duties to Him. Accept what comes to you from Him with humility, servitude, and submission to His will.
- See this article about detaching yourself: https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/any-advice-for-detaching-my-heart-from-someone/
- Keep the company of good religious people who have a positive influence on you and don’t spend too much time alone idly.
- Keep yourself busy with worship and beneficial activities, hobbies, or acquire a new skill.
- Don’t ever mention this illicit relationship to your future husband and trust that Allah will place love in your hearts for each other.
May Allah help you transform and grow from this experience with guidance and taqwa to become the better you.
Please see this article and video as well:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/i-am-in-an-impermissible-but-healthy-relationship-what-should-i-do/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15XyOUnjzPI
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
