Must I Obey One Parent Who Prohibits Something If the Other Says It’s OK?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Must one obey their parents in permissible matters, such as wearing makeup at home with no non-Mahram men present, especially if one parent allows it and the other does not?
Answer
Thank you for your question. The upshot is that it is better for you to listen to the parent who doesn’t want you to wear make-up at home. This is part of goodness to them and will result in nothing but goodness for you.
Permissible
Allah (Most High) said in the Quran, “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran, 17:23]
It is a general obligation to listen to your parents, especially if they ask you to refrain from a permissible (mubah) matter and you do so intending to please them. You would be rewarded for that, in sha Allah. You will find, in sha Allah, when you are older that it is worth it to listen to them and make them happy, and they, in turn, will give you duas, and the duas of a parent are not turned away.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Three supplications are answered without doubt. The supplication of the oppressed, the supplication of the traveler, and the supplication of the parent for his son.” [Tirmidhi; Abu Dawud]
Compromise
I know many young girls like the idea of playing with make-up at home, so I encourage you to communicate with your parent and tell them that you enjoy it as a hobby and won’t wear it outside. Perhaps your parent is worried that your wudu won’t be valid, so assure them you will make wudu first. And if they still don’t like it, ask them if you could apply it, and then remove it after an hour or so with makeup remover.
You might try experimenting with light colors so it is not bold and dramatic and in their face. Keep in mind that the best make-up techniques are the ones that are neutral and barely show any make-up (or colour) at all. One of my friends masterfully used make-up to look brighter, although no extra colour was detectable. Experiment with that and see if your parent approves.
Please see more details here:
- Which Parent Has a Greater Right to Obedience Within the Home?
- Should I Listen to My Father or Mother When They Tell Me to Do Opposite Things?
- Do I Have to Obey My Father When He Tells Me to Sleep Early?
- Obedience to Parents When They Are Being Difficult
- Boundary of obeying/serving parents
- Goodness to Parents – A Reader
- What Does Islam Say About Women Wearing Makeup?
- Guidelines for Using Makeup
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
