Can a Woman Disobey Her Parents to Move with Her Husband?
Answered by Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Fayez Awad
Question
Is it permissible for a woman to disobey her parents’ request not to move away with her husband?
Answer
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
All praise is due to Allah, Lord of all worlds. Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger sent as a mercy to the worlds, our Master and Prophet, Muhammad, and his Family and Companions.
The Obligation of Honoring Parents
There is no doubt that honoring one’s parents, obeying them, and treating them well is obligatory upon every Muslim, as Allah (Most High) says:
“For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honor your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them (even) ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.” [Quran, 17:23]
Obedience to the Husband
However, when a woman gets married, she is also obligated to obey her husband and fulfill his rights. ‘Abdur-Rahman Ibn ‘Awf (Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever gate you wish.’” [Ahmad]
Resolving Conflicts Between Husband’s and Parents’ Rights
Just as the husband has a right to be obeyed, parents have a right to be honored and treated well. However, if there is a conflict between obeying the husband and obeying the parents on a particular matter, then the wife must obey her husband without showing disrespect to her parents.
In “al-Fatawa al-Kubra al-Fiqhiyya” by Ibn Hajar, it is mentioned:
“(A question was asked): Does a woman have the right to leave her husband’s house to seek a religious ruling, earn a living, or for similar reasons, or not?
The response was: She may leave without his permission in the case of necessity … not to visit a sick person, even if it is her father, nor to attend his funeral.
It was also reported that a woman sought the permission of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) to visit her sick father while her husband was away. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: ‘Fear Allah and obey your husband,’ so she did not leave.
Later, Jibril came and informed the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that Allah (Most High) had forgiven her father because of her obedience to her husband.” [Ibn Humayd, Musnad; Ibn Hajar, al-Matalib al-‘Aliya; Ibn Qudama, al-Mughni]
The Husband’s Right and Fair Treatment
Ibn Qudama, in “al-Mughni”, stated:
“The husband has the right to prevent her from leaving the house for any need that is not essential, whether it is to visit her parents, visit a sick person, or attend the funeral of one of them. Ahmad (Allah have mercy on him) was asked about a woman who had a husband and a sick mother. He replied, ‘Her husband’s obedience is more obligatory upon her than her mother’s unless he gives her permission.’
This is because obeying the husband is obligatory, while visiting the sick is not. Therefore, it is not permissible to leave a mandatory duty for one that is not mandatory. She should not leave the house except with his permission. However, it is not appropriate for the husband to prevent her from visiting her parents or seeing them, as that would sever family ties and compel her to disobey him, which is contrary to Allah’s command to live with them in kindness. Such behavior does not align with fair treatment”
No Obedience in Disobedience to Allah
Moreover, if a woman refuses to live with her husband, this is considered disobedience to Allah (Most High). According to Islamic law, there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.
‘Ali (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “There is no obedience in disobedience to Allah; rather, obedience is only in what is good.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Another narration states: “There is no obedience to any human being if it involves disobedience to Allah (Most High).” [Ahmad]
Approaching Family Matters with Gentleness
It is essential that both the husband and wife handle such matters gently, without any harsh words or negative gestures.
May Allah guide us to what pleases Him and grant us righteousness and kindness, for He is All-Hearing and Responsive.
[Shaykh] Dr. Muhammad Fayez Awad
Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Fayez Awad, born in Damascus, Syria, in 1965, pursued his Islamic studies in the mosques and institutes of Damascus. A graduate of the Islamic University of Medina in 1985, he holds a Ph.D. in Islamic Studies from Bahauddin Zakariya University in Pakistan.
He has extensive experience developing curricula and enhancing the teaching of various academic courses, including conducting intensive courses. Shaykh Awad has taught Fiqh, Usul al-Fiqh, Quranic sciences, the history of legislation, inheritance laws, and more at several institutes and universities such as Al-Furqan Institute for Islamic Sciences and Majma‘ al-Fath al-Islami in Damascus.
He is a lecturer at the Sultan Muhammad al-Fatih Waqf University in Istanbul, teaching various Arabic and Islamic subjects, and teaches at numerous Islamic institutes in Istanbul. Shaykh Awad is a member of the Association of Syrian Scholars, a founding member of the Zayd bin Thabit Foundation, a member of the Syrian Scholars Association, and a member of the Academic Council at the Iman Center for Teaching the Sunna and Quran.
Among his teachers from whom he received Ijazat are his father, Shaykh Muhammad Muhiyiddin Awad, Shaykh Muhiyiddin al-Kurdi, Shaykh Muhammad Karim Rajih, Shaykh Usama al-Rifai, Shaykh Ayman Suwaid, Shaykh Ahmad al-Qalash, Shaykh Muhammad Awwama, and Shaykh Mamduh Junayd.
