Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My father, who doesn’t live with us, knocked at the door. I didn’t answer for two reasons. It was 9 pm, and my mother expressed fear of his abusive behavior or even getting killed and asked us not to let him in at night. He has a history of physical abuse. I read a fatwa on Islamqa saying that if the mother and father disagree, the mother is to be followed. The house belongs to the mother, so I thought I would infringe upon her right if I opened the door. I intend to call them tomorrow and explain that he came too late. So I didn’t answer the door as I didn’t know what to do and didn’t want the escalation of an argument. My mother said I misread things and should’ve opened the door. Now, my dad is angry.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and pray that you can find a way to navigate the problems between your parents. The matter is very confusing.

Opening the Door

From what I understand, it was not sinful for you to not open the door as the house belongs to the mother, and she has every right as to who and who does not enter. This is not in your control. If one genuinely fears physical abuse, then it is fine not to open the door as one must protect oneself. However, it is generally disrespectful that your father was left standing at the door, and I suggest that you do speak to him to smooth over matters and perhaps visit him. Perhaps in the future, you can step out to the patio and speak to him without letting him in.

Wisdom

Turn to Allah for wisdom and guidance in all these matters, and communicate with your parents. Tell them that you feel stuck and don’t know whom to listen to and that you just want peace. Ask them how they can help you accomplish this and think of a way to avoid this problem in the future. Supplicate to Him with the following dua:

A’isha narrated from Abu Bakr As-Siddiq that whenever the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) wanted to do a matter, he would say: “O Allah, make it good for me and choose for me. (Allahumma khir li wakhtar li).” [Tirmidhi]

اللَّهُمَّ خِرْ لِي وَاخْتَرْ لِي

• Balancing Confidence and Humility and the Wisdom of Trials from Allah
• My Parents Are Always Fighting. What Do I Do?
• How Does a Child Deal With Parents Who Fight Each Other?
• My Parents Tend to Fight Very Often: What Should I Do?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.