My Sister Is Falsely Accusing Me. What Can I Do?

Answered by Shaykh Farid Dingle

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I am sure my elder sister hates me and envies me.

She falsely accused me of my brother’s Suicide.

After some months she has now again falsely accused me of an illicit relationship with my cousin in front of my husband. My husband did not believe her but I am mentally and emotionally disturbed and broken. My husband seems to not be trusting me anymore.

I am innocent and she is falsely accusing me. What should I do?

Answer: Wa Alaykum Assalam,

Dear questioner, may Allah save you from this difficulty.

Baseless allegations

Sit down with your husband, sister, and father and explain to them that baseless accusations are haram and that accusations of adultery incur corporal punishable in Sharia law. She should either bring four upright male witnesses that testify to your so-called relationship with your cousin and remain silent on pain of a terrible punishment in the Hereafter.

Allah Most High says, ‘Indeed, those who [falsely] accuse chaste, unaware and believing women are cursed in this world and the Hereafter; and they will have a great punishment.’ [24: 23]

And this also applies to other accusations, such as being responsible for your brother’s death. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘Proof must be brought by the one making the claim.’ [Bayhaqi]

Right to be defended

You should have your father and, especially, your husband understand that it is their responsibility to either have you “brought to justice” if you are really guilty, or clearly and properly have these allegations silenced once and for all. The men of your family are not just there to protect you physically, but also to protect your moral and societal (and mental) rights.

Your good name is a right. The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘Everything of a Muslim is sacrosanct: his blood, his property, and his good name.’ [Muslim]

Actively avoiding misunderstandings

Will the Sacred Law has forbidden having bad opinions of others and has made it obligatory to always interpret others actions in the best light, it has also created a social structure that protects unhealthy doubts about others trustworthiness or marital fidelity: the Sacred Law has made clarity in contracts binding so as to avoid errant assumptions, it has forbidden men and women who are not immediate relatives to be alone together without a third person there, and has put certain guidelines on gender interactions to keep all relationships very clear.

One thing that many Muslim families fall into doing is being too lax about how extended family members socialize and interact. Allah has made it very clear in the Quran that there are rules that apply to tour immediate family members (husband, brother, son, uncle, father, grandfather, etc.) and other rules that apply to other than them. This includes one’s cousin.

My advice would be to very open about not wanting to be around men who are not your immediate family. For example, if your family is invited to your uncles house, take pains to have the women in one room and the men in another, so that no one says you or any other woman in the family are “interest” in or trying to “show off” to any of the men, such as your cousin that you are accused of having relations with. This kind of “ostentation” is actually praiseworthy in the eyes of the Sacred Law, as the saying goes, ‘May Allah show kindness to he who wards off bad talk.’

I’m not putting any blame on you, nor am I exonerating anyone who is falsely accusing you, but it might be a good idea to look into other reasons why your husband might believe what your sister is saying. Maybe look at how you interact with other men at work or how you speak to them on the phone. And as I said, there no harm in being a little bit artificial to protect your good name, and say others from having a bad opinion.

Familial carcinogens

Years and years of emotional abuse can have its toll. Yes, it is all from Allah, and we must be content with ‘the slings and arrows’ of what He sends us, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t actively protect ourselves from the harm and torture that certain family members incessantly hurl at us.

One way to solve this is to be really, really nice to your sister. Be known for speaking well of her, hang out with her, ask her advice, spend money on her and do whatever you can to get on her side.

The second step, as I said, is to deal with the problem very directly with your husband and father, and have your sister stop saying these things.

If that doesn’t work, then you, and especially your husband — who shouldn’t be talking to your sister anyway — should keep a safe distance from whoever diffuses and harbors these cancerous ideas that will not only emotionally damage you but be very detrimental to your relationship with your husband.

Allah the One

All in all, Allah made us, created our thoughts and actions, and created the thoughts and actions, good and bad, or those around us. Whenever we deal with others as evil-doers frustrating the success story of our lives, it becomes unbearably stressful and it weighs down on us like a ton of bricks. Whenever we deal with others as tests from Allah, sent by Allah, and directly controlled by Allah, we are dealing with just one person: Allah the One. When we see that, then we are with Allah, and not with the evil-doers. And, as the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) told Abu Bakr when they were surrounded in the cave by the evil-doers, ‘Don’t be sad because Allah is actually with us.’ [9: 40]

I pray this helps.

[Shaykh] Farid Dingle