My Best Friend Is Non-Muslim and Respects My Islam, but She Is Openly Lesbian. What Do I Do?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: My best friend is non-Muslim and respects my Islam, but she is openly lesbian. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Honest Conversation
Dear sister, you are in a very challenging situation.
It sounds like your best friend values your friendship, and respects your Islam. As you would with any other sensitive topic, I recommend that you speak honestly with her. Talk to her about how stressed you feel, and how you do not want to lose her as a friend.
I pray that you can both brainstorm solutions together. This will be an excellent opportunity for you to show her the kindness and mercy so in-built in our deen.
Concern for children
It is natural and healthy for you to want to protect your children’s innocence. However, it is impossible to completely shield our children from the outside world. The best protection you can offer your children is a deep, trusting, and loving connection with you, Allah, and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him).
As your children grow older, they will probably come across same-sex couples and same-sex families with children. It is important for you to lead that conversation about how that displeases Allah, instead of avoiding it, and letting their peers/popular media/social media dictate their beliefs.
LGBTI
“And whoever submits himself to Allah and is good in deeds, he in fact holds on to the strongest ring. Towards Allah is the ultimate end of all matters.” [Qur’an, 31:22]
Whether we like it or not, in the West, your best friend’s life choices are accepted and even aggressively encouraged – this is the flood of our time. Please keep in mind that your friend’s disbelief is a much greater sin than her relationship with a transgender woman.
The reality is that in West and elsewhere, there are many Muslim men and women who are tested with this tribulation. That struggle is their road to Jannah.
Possible outcomes
I see a few options.
1) Explain to your friend that you are struggling, apologize, and grow distant from her.
2) Slowly distance yourself from your friend with no explanation. I do not recommend this, because it would hurt both of you.
3) Continue to be part of her life, hate her sins, but continue to treat her, her partner, and her future children with kindness and respect. Every step of the way, talk to your children about this topic. Use this as a teaching opportunity. This would take tremendous courage, patience, and perseverance on your part. Perhaps your good character with your best friend is what will soften her heart towards Islam. There is no greater good you can offer her.
Protection and prayer
I recommend that you perform the Prayer of Guidance about how to move forward with your friendship.
Please see: A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah
I pray this helps.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersGuidance Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from the University of New South Wales.
