How Can I Withdraw From My Cousin Since We Grew Up Like Siblings?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My cousin is so close to me and we grew up as siblings as it is the culture here. But I recently got to know that cousins are not mahram. So I was wondering whether it is permissible to speak about things that are not essential (like school, vacation, and share secrets) when we meet, as it would be so awkward to completely avoid her after all this time.
Answer
Thank you for your question. You are in the same predicament as many young people who grew up with their cousins. The best method is gradual and respectful withdrawal.
Cousins
May Allah reward you for wanting to sincerely obey Him and for being willing to apply what you know right after you learn it. It is not permissible to be anything but formal, courteous, and polite with a non-mahram, and that should be the standard that you aim for when you meet your cousin. Remember that there is much underlying wisdom behind these rules and Muslim society flourishes when these standards are kept. Minimizing things with your cousin will also help your future marriage, and in the future, you can interact as married couples, making everyone happy.
See the rules of gender interaction here:
A Reader On Gender Interaction
Tact
I would be lying to you if I told you that it will be easy. In the beginning, there will be questions, disappointment, and pain, but afterward, I guarantee you that blessings, ease, and much goodness will come out of it. Perhaps, your cousin will take the time to learn about Islam herself, and desire to practice it as well. You may also find that with time, people tend to distance themselves from young familiar relationships. There is wisdom in all of this. If you do, however, feel inclined to your cousin, or overly saddened by the abrupt end, then consider proposing marriage to her.
Please see more tips here:
How Should I Interact With My Male Cousin?
How Do I Deal with Inappropriate Gender Interactions between My Cousins?
Should I Treat My Male Cousins, in the Same Way, I Treat Strangers on the Street?
Reality
Most importantly, bear this prophetic hadith in mind and trust in Allah: “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah, the Almighty, but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Musnad Ahmad]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
