Marrying Someone Older
Question: I like a man who is 7 years older than me. I want to marry him because I don’t want to interact with him knowing my feelings for him. He also has an attachment towards me but he feels that it will not work out between us. Neither parent will accept him and he does not want to see me in that position of rejection. I also can’t talk to my parents because I am just 20 and in college. I am so confused and sad because he may get married soon to the girl of his parent’s choice. What should I do to make this work?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration and pain. Being in love but being unable to get married is very difficult. May Allah make it easy for you.
Two options
Your options are very simple but difficult. You might wind up hurting either way. Your first option is to go forward with bringing it up to the parents, and deal with whatever comes. You will have to be patient, kind, maintain good etiquette and character, and pray every step of the way. Ask Allah to facilitate the matter for you. You may face rejection but at least you tried instead of wondering if it could have worked out.
Your second option is to walk away and not look back. Moving on will be difficult but possible and every day is easier than the last. Know that marriage is an institution that you enter into for the sake of Allah and it should be easy and blessed from beginning to end. If you are already facing the obstacle of getting him to tell his parents, then perhaps you should drop it.
Istikhara
Before making any choice, pray the Prayer of Seeking Guidance about what to do. Also, pray the Prayer of Need:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/hanafi-fiqh/istikhara-the-prayer-of-seeking-guidance/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/hanafi-fiqh/how-does-one-perform-the-prayer-of-need-salat-al-haja/
Prepare yourself
It is very easy to get married but not easy to be a good wife. My advice to all young single Muslims, such as yourself, is to take a free course at Seekers on Islamic Marriage so that you can learn your rights and responsibilities and act accordingly. Preparing oneself for marriage is the greatest thing that you can give your spouse and I hope that you do get married young because you will actually mature and grow with him while you establish good habits together.
May Allah give you tawfiq, ease, and happiness in your marriage process. Please see this course:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/courses/marriage-in-islam-practical-guidance-for-successful-marriage/
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
