Is It True That My Husband Has the Right To Shout at Me and Call Me Stupid?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question:

My husband says that it’s in his right to shout at me and that I don’t have the right to. He says that he is allowed to call me stupid and that I am not allowed to. Is it true that the husband can treat his wife like that, and I can only be silent and take in his anger, as I have no right to be angry?

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am afraid that you both have the wrong understanding of a spousal relationship. Neither can harm one another, and neither should accept abuse. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” [Ibn Maja]

AbuseVerbal abuse is ugly and unbecoming, and your husband is prohibited from using such language with his wife. He should fear Allah’s accounting of his actions on the Day of Judgment. At the same time, a woman who is abused should not accept it and should take steps to perform her obligatory roles in the marriage, seek counseling, and then seek other options if necessary. See the details of abuse here:

https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/social-issues/muslim-scholars-on-spousal-abuse-in-islamic-law-it-is-absolutely-unlawful-to-abuse-a-wife-injure-her-or-insult-her-dignity/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/seeking-knowledge/did-the-companions-ever-engage-in-domestic-violence/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/tag/husbands-rights/

Tranquility

Allah created spouses to dwell in tranquility, as He tells us in His Holy Book: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. “[Qur’an, 30:21] This is the true purpose of marriage, and you should ask Allah to guide you to this result. I recommend that you use the resources below to start applying prophetic character and wisdom in your marriage and, by the grace of Allah, he will respond the same way.

Resources

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
https://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797
https://academy.seekers.flywheelstaging.com/enrol/index.php?id=154
https://academy.seekers.flywheelstaging.com/enrol/index.php?id=195
https://academy.seekers.flywheelstaging.com/enrol/index.php?id=282
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/good-character/etiquette-marriage-comprehensive-seekersguidance-reader/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3EJorRRL5c&list=PL4mTEQpP9b5FK3ugResLcz5Vgvrk1pgg0

May Allah give you and your family the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.