How Do I Deal With Parents Forcing Me To Marry a Man That I Do Not Like?
Question:
How do I deal with parents forcing me to marry a man that I do not like and cursing the convert that I love?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. Nobody can force you to marry anyone, and I pray that you can come to an understanding with your parents. The best advice that I can give you is here, please read the link in full:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/my-father-is-emotionally-blackmailing-me-to-get-married-what-do-i-do/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/what-to-do-when-my-parents-reject-my-choice-of-spouse-because-of-cultural-reasons/
Communicate
The best and only way forward is to communicate your feelings to your parents. They feel that they are better equipped to choose a spouse for you, but they should not be ignoring your feelings. Please have an elder, relative, or local imam speak to them on your behalf, perhaps they will listen. The reality is that you might not end up marrying either man if you and your parents do not come to compromise. Be prepared for anything. Rest assured, that what was always meant to happen will happen, and you have to navigate it in the best way that you can. May Allah make it easy.
Istikhara
Ask your parents to pray istikhara, at least, so they can have some direction from Allah, and not just from themselves. Pray istikhara yourself as well, and tell your parents how it turns out. Ask Allah to open everyone’s heart to what is right for you and to facilitate the whole process. You should also pray the Prayer of Need and supplicate before dawn, asking Allah to help you through this. Keep a distance from the man you want to marry so you do not fall into any sin.
Turn to Allah
In the meanwhile, turn to Allah, give in regular charity, even if only a little, be the best Muslima that you can be, and build your relationship with your Lord. There is no problem that Allah sends down that He can’t solve, so ask for His Mercy and Kindness.
I am quite concerned about your thoughts of suicide, and I pray that you can seek out a helpline, therapist, or even speak to your doctor about the matter. You should not be spending time alone right now and please stay in the company of loving friends and family. Get fresh air and exercise daily and take your vitamin D regularly. Please read the advice here:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/general-counsel/my-son-is-suicidal-what-can-i-do/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/how-can-i-deal-with-fears-and-suicidal-thoughts/
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
