Should I Marry My Fiance as We Were Both Unfaithful During the Engagement?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Five years ago, I was engaged, and my fiancé and I used to commit fornication occasionally. Later, I had fornication with my cousin. I repented for all these grave sins. Now I learned my fiancé also engaged in fornication with his cousin. He said he repented and wants to marry me soon. I’m scared to marry him because he cheated on me during our engagement. Yet I feel guilty because I, too, cheated on him, and it’s between me and Allah. I want to marry my fiancé and start a new life, but I’m worried that he will cheat on me in the future.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your confusion, and due to the unfaithfulness on both accounts, I cannot do much but urge you to weigh this decision carefully.

Choice

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace)  “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim] This advice applies to both genders. As such, I ask you to pray istikhara and seek guidance on whether he is the right man for you. It may be that since you have both repented, these problems are in the past, but is there any way to really know? Follow your istikhara, and honestly, follow your gut, too.

Turn to Allah

All praise to Allah that you repented and I pray that you continue to gain closeness to Allah through worship and increasing your knowledge and practice. Pray on time, read Quran daily, and avoid the haram. This is the only way to truly transform. Take a course on Islamic marriage now so that you understand what it entails of rights and responsibilities. May Allah make your affairs easy for you and guide you to what is best for you deen and dunya.

Please see these links as well:

• Does Allah Punish the One Who Cheats on His Fiance and Breaks Their Engagement?
• Must I Proceed with Marrying My Fiance Whom I Slept with Even When He Hits Me?
• Because I Committed Zina in the Past, Will I Ever Get Married to a Good Muslim Man?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.