Should I Forgive My Fiance Who Slept with His Cousin During Our Engagement?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am a 23-year-old woman. Four months from now, my wedding is supposed to happen. My partner and I made a serious mistake by engaging in fornication. We both sincerely repented. A few days ago, I found out that my fiance is cheating on me with their cousin; he fornicated with her. They are begging and apologizing for what they did. I feel completely shattered because I love him. I can’t think of another marriage because I feel I’m no longer clean/pure. He is asking for forgiveness in the name of Allah and promises not to repeat the mistake. He is saying in the Name of Allah, I must give him another chance to prove himself.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am so grateful to God that Allah showed you his true nature, and you should consider yourself very, very lucky that you can still walk away without having made a commitment.

As Fast as You Can

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this man does not fear God as he should and that he will cheat on you for the rest of your life. Perhaps he will stop cheating on you when his hair is white and his back is bent. Run away now, run as fast you can. You will get over it. You will, by the grace of Allah, find a man who will love you, who will pray, who will fear God, and teach your children good morals. You have repented before God, and you still deserve a good man. The only thing this man can teach your children is how to bed a woman before marrying her.

Blindness

You say you love him? No, you only lust after him. I ask you to reflect on this hadith. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.” [Abu Dawud]

A Pious Man

Please marry for religion as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said (Allah bless him and give him peace), “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari & Muslim] This applies to both genders, so why should you not place his Islam at the top of your list? Pray the Prayer of Need to seek Allah’s guidance in finding a good man.

Please see these links as well:

• Does Allah Punish the One Who Cheats on His Fiance and Breaks Their Engagement?
• Is My Marriage Valid If I Had Sex with My Fiance’s Mother?
• Is It Right to Have Sex With Someone You Love Before Marriage?
• Is Physical Intimacy Allowed if You Are Engaged?

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.