How Should I Convince My Father To Accept A Suitor?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have a marriage proposal from a man whom I like. My mother passed years ago so the decision is given to my dad. My dad refuses because of his age (he’s 11 years older), his financial stability (he is currently working in fast food but has completed masters in accounting and wishes to pursue it as a career) and his visa status (he is on a temporary visa and my dad believes he just wants permanent residency through marriage).
In such a situation where the boy’s family is agreeable and so am I, how should I convince my dad without him becoming angry or taking harsh decisions?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I pray that you can resolve this situation without any hurt feelings or resentment. Accepting a suitor is a tough decision, know that your father does not take it lightly.
The best thing that you can do is speak to your father calmly and communicate all the reasons that you think he should agree to this. You may also put it in writing and email it to him and or read out your letter to him. Written communication can get your thoughts across more easily and completely.
Pray istikhara yourself about this man and ask him to pray it too. Have a meeting to discuss what you both feel afterward. Listen to his point of view and consider his reasons. Honestly, his reasons for saying no seem valid to me. With your mother gone, he will want nothing more than to protect you and offer you the best suitor that he can find for you. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgment, because he is not letting anything cloud his.
If you cannot convince your father, this could be the response to your istikhara. I think you should accept it, in that case, and move on. Pray the Prayer of Need and ask Allah to send you someone more suitable that your father is pleased with. Prepare yourself for marriage in the meantime and learn skills that will help you during your marriage.
When someone suitable does come along, remind your father of this hadith, “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (Fitnah) in the land and abounding discord (Fasad).“ [Tirmidhi] May Allah give you tawfiq and send you the perfect partner for you.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
