How Can I Tell the Man I Love to Convert to Marry Me?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I’m a Pakistani Muslim girl living in the UK, and I like a non-Muslim guy for marriage. I know the first thing would be to convince him to convert, but I don’t want to force him to convert as that’s not good. I want to tell my parents, and I want my parents to help me introduce our culture and religion to him as I am not the best person to talk to about religion.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I feel you have a long way to go to get him to convert and marry you, but I am very pleased that you want to obey Allah and His Messenger in this process.
Marriage
Have you discussed marriage? Has he proposed? Or is it wishful thinking? I am inclined to tell you that you should wait for a proposal or an imminent one and then tell him that you can only marry a Muslim, which he may already know. In the meantime, make sure that you are not dating, and inform him that Muslim girls consider suitors, and then marry so that he doesn’t have false notions of what to expect.
Converting
The best place to go to learn about Islam is the local mosque. Ask him to speak to a local scholar or imam, and see what this religion is all about. He may also take free courses here with us specifically designed for converts. In addition to this, if he does convert, in sha Allah, I recommend that you wait one year to marry him after he is Muslim. It takes a while to get used to a new religion, and it might strain your marriage in his first year as a convert. Let him take it slow and learn first.
Parents
It is best to tell your parents you are serious about this person. Pray istikhara first, pursue him for his religion after he converts, and let your parents be part of the process. They will appreciate you involving them, and this way, you are less likely to sin. Ask Allah for guidance in this time, and remember this important hadith:
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When half of the night or two-thirds of it is over, Allah (the Blessed and the Exalted) descends to the lowest heaven and says, ‘Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven?’ (And Allah continues saying it) until it is daybreak.” [Muslim]
Please see these links:
New to Islam Reader: A Trusted Collection of Resources for Converts
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
