How Can I Get My Parents to Accept a Suitor Who Is Not Rich?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I want to marry a pious and religious man, but my family is not accepting him only because he is not rich. He has a job that can fulfill our daily needs, and I want a simple life. I have a phobia of the word “rich.” When my parents or family tell me to marry so-and-so because he is rich or working abroad, I feel scared. I don’t know why. I want to lead a simple life, so I feel that this person is a good choice.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for valuing his character and religion over his bank account. I pray that you can reach a compromise with them and that he be given a fair chance.
Religion
The Prophet’s advice (Allah bless him and give him peace) was the following: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim]
The same applies when choosing a man and I urge you to remind your parents of this fact. At the very least, they should meet him and get to know him so that they have some basis for rejecting him. Be polite and respectful, and explain to them how important it is to you that he be given a fair chance.
Parents’ Point of View
Another thing that you should consider is the point of view of your parents. They want you to be comfortable and not to want for anything. Most parents seek material comfort for their children, especially their daughters, because they understand how much hardship and pain comes from being forced to live a lifestyle that the daughter is not accustomed to. Be sure that this man makes enough and that he is not embellishing what he really earns, as lack of supporting one’s wife is a common cause of modern-day divorces.
Istikhara
As is normally advised, for the most blessed outcome, pray istikhara, seeking Allah’s guidance on the matter. Be ready to submit to His will and to walk away or marry him. If Allah facilitates matters, know that it was meant to be, and if He does not, know that there is someone out there more suitable for you. The optimal situation is that you find someone that both you and your parents are excited about.
Resources
Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical Lessons That Explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
Please see these links as well:
What to Do When My Parents Reject My Choice of Spouse Because of Cultural Reasons?
How Can I Convince My Parents to Accept My Desired Spouse?
How Do I Marry the Person I Like?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
