Can Parents Deny a Suitor Because of His Culture Even If He Has Good Character and Religion?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Is it a valid reason for parents to deny a marriage proposal because of cultural differences? If the person is religious, can provide, and has a good character.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for looking at a suitor’s religion before anything else, as this is what the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) taught us to look at.
A Good Proposal
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be turmoil in the earth and extensive corruption.” [Tirmidhi]
As such, I encourage your parents to reconsider this proposal and at least pray istikhara about him and meet him a few times before rejecting him outright.
Suitability
Being a legal, suitable match (kafa’ah) is a consideration when selecting a compatible spouse, but this does not entail culture. Please see those details here:
Supplication
If you truly feel that your parents are mistaken and that he is the best one for you, supplicate to Allah to send you ease and guidance and make the decision clear as day to you so there remains no doubt in anyone’s heart. Pray the Prayer of Need and turn to Allah by fulfilling your obligations to him, giving charity, and increasing in your knowledge and practice of Islam.
Please see these links as well:
- Is it Wrong To Avoid Interracial Marriages For Cultural Considerations?
- Must I Obey My Parents if They Refuse a Suitor From a Different Culture?
- How Can I Convince My Parents To Meet My Suitor of a Different Culture?
- How to Reconcile Pakistani Culture and Islam?
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
