Should I Marry My Practicing Ex-Boyfriend?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Should I marry a practicing Muslim I had a past haram relationship with, despite my mother’s concerns, or wait for another suitable match?
Answer
I can’t tell you what to do, but your decision must be based on changing yourselves into righteous people, repenting from your past and not marrying each other based on your past, but on your potential future, all the while considering your mother’s advice.
Repentance
Please repent sincerely for the past haram relationship and make it a priority to obey Allah and His Messenger moving forward. Ask each other for forgiveness. If you haven’t stopped being his girlfriend, stop now. Cease all communication until you are married to him, and if you marry someone else, cut him off forever.
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
Istikhara
Is he a suitable match? Are you going to consider marrying him just because you were with him in the past? Does he meet your other criteria? Is he newly practicing? Being a practicing Muslim is a very positive change and a big sign of his repentance, and you should consider him just for that after praying istikhara.
Remember that one must choose a spouse for religion. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, or her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed!“ [Bukhari & Muslim] This applies to both genders.
Please see those details here:
– Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance
– Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
Your Mother
Consider your mother’s concern; she is worried about your well-being and your future, and parents tend to have good intuition. Have an open conversation with your mother about your istikhara, and have her pray it too. If it is positive, tell why you think he is good for you. Tell her that he is more practicing now as well. Tell her that your decision to marry is based on faith and maturity, not just emotions. It is best to have her blessings.
That being said, if your istikhara is negative, and your heart aligns with that, wait for the right man to come. If you especially fear that your life with him won’t be pleasing to Allah and His Messenger, drop the idea. Your ex-boyfriend will find someone else, and you can have a fresh, clean start with someone without baggage and guilt.
Du`a
Please say this supplication daily:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
˹They are those who pray, “Our Lord! Bless us with ˹pious˺ spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]
Please see more details here:
– Should I Ignore My Doubts after My Ex-boyfriend Proposed and Everyone Is Happy About It?
– Should I marry my boyfriend who has sinned in his past?
– Should I Marry Someone I Had a Premarital Relationship With?
– Am I Obliged to Marry My Girlfriend?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
