How Can I Overcome My Doubts and Rebuild Trust in My Marriage?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have been married for 19 years, and recently my husband went out of his way to help a female colleague, which caused tension and mistrust between us. He changed his phone password to protect the friendship, which left me hurt and with lingering doubts. How can I overcome these feelings, rebuild trust, and maintain peace in my marriage?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain and I pray that you muster up the patience and effort required to deal with this issue and heal together.
Spying and Suspicion
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “Believers, avoid making too many assumptions- some assumptions are sinful- and do not spy on one another or speak ill of people behind their backs: would any of you like to eat the flesh of your dead brother? No, you would hate it. So be mindful of God: God is ever relenting, most merciful.” [Quran, 49:12]
And avoid suspicion. Abu Hurairah reported the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying: “Avoid suspicion for suspicion is the most lying form of talk. Do not be inquisitive about one another or spy on one another.” [Abu Dawud]
Benefit of the doubt
I know that it is hard, but you should give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Helping his female colleague doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Changing his phone password might just mean that he is tired of your interrogations and wants to stop the stress. None of what you have described means that your husband is unfaithful. How to overcome the doubts? Ignore, ignore, ignore. When doubts arise, say A`udhu biLlahi min al-shaytan al-rajim (أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم), make dhikr, dua and/or pray. You can advise him that he should not be casual friends with a female but rather be a colleague who keeps a polite and cordial distance for work.
Du`a
Please say this prophetic supplication daily:
أَعـوذُ بِكَلِمـاتِ اللّهِ التّـامّـاتِ مِن غَضَـبِهِ وَعِـقابِهِ وَشَـرِّ عِبـادِهِ وَمِنْ هَمَـزاتِ الشَّـياطينِ وَأَنْ يَحْضـرون
I seek refuge in the Perfect Words of Allah from His anger and His punishment, from the evil of His slaves, and the taunts of devils and their presence. [Tirmidhi]
Please see more details here:
– Husn Dhann and Social Media – Saad Razi Shaikh
– What Is the Opposite of Husn Al-Dhann?
– How Do I Regain My Husband’s Trust, Intimacy and Respect?
– Can I Spy on My Husband?
– Should I Check My Husband’s Phone Regularly to Ensure He Is Faithful?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
