Can You Please Confirm That We Are Actually Divorced?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

My husband divorced me when I was pregnant with our second child irrevocably a year and a half ago. Because we are new immigrants, he lives in the same building as us, and we still need each other’s support and help. He has a strong bond with the kids, and because I needed him during and after labor, I stopped wearing hijab in front of him. We feel so guilty for interacting as a family when we are divorced. We know that I must marry and divorce someone else in order to marry him. Can you please confirm that we are actually divorced? 

In 2014, we didn’t have access to knowledge in China. I said, “If you act like this, we won’t be able to maintain this household.” In my mother tongue, “maintain a household” means to stay married. He responded, “Then we don’t maintain.” We made up with each other shortly after. A couple of years later, he called me drunk and pronounced divorce multiple times. Then we renewed our nikah. This whole drunk incident happened again a year later. Many months later, he said to me, ‘Let’s get divorced.‘ A year and a half ago, I was so fed up that I practically forced him and he said, “I release you.” In our mother tongue, it means “I divorce you.” Finally, after this, he woke up to Islam. Is there any chance for us?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that you went through all of this with your husband. You had to deal with his drinking and I understand your frustration.

Shaykh Jamir says, “Words that affect divorce are of two types: explicit, where the meaning is unequivocal, such as ‘I divorce you’, and implicit (of which there are a great many expressions), where the words are ambiguous and could mean divorce or could mean something else, such as ‘Leave the house’.

An explicit expression does not require an intention of divorce for divorce to be affected. An implicit expression requires an intention of divorce to be made for it to be affected.

Is It a Divorce If a Spouse Sings a Break up Song and the Husband Nods to the Beat?

Unfortunately, there is no way that you are both still married. He has pronounced a divorce to you with the intention more than once, even if you counted each occasion as one pronouncement on which there is a difference of opinion. The drunkenness is not relevant. See these links for more information:

Have I Divorced My Wife?

Does a Divorce Need to Be Uttered in Front of Witnesses to Be Valid?

You will have to marry another man, be divorced from him, and then you would be able to marry him again. It is not permissible to marry someone with this intention and purpose.

Am I Divorced?

It will be difficult, but you should renew your intention to follow the shari`ah, and start wearing hijab in front of him. Also, make sure that you are never in seclusion with him. It would be better if he did not come into your house. Do send the children to his house and have them spend lots of time with their father, as it sounds you are already doing. May Allah reward for facilitating their relationship.

You must move on and put this marriage behind you. Consider marrying someone when the children are a little older, perhaps when the youngest is seven years old, you have a right to companionship and to fulfilling your desires. I pray that you can grow from this, draw strength from your Lord, and turn to Allah in your hardships. “Verily after every hardship, there is ease.“

Please see this answer on the etiquette of divorce.

May Allah give you the best in this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad 
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.