What Are Some of the Signs of a Positive or Negative Istikhara?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
What would be considered signs from Allah after making istikhara about marrying someone? We are from different cultures, I’m African American (black), and he’s Pakistani. His mom is okay with him marrying me, but his dad disapproves of the whole idea. He tries to convince him, but his dad is stuck in his ways as this isn’t something he is used to.
So would this be a sign from Allah? It’s only been a few months of him trying to convince his dad.
Answer
May Allah reward you for wanting to marry for religion, and may you be guided to the best decision for both of you.
Permission
A man does not require his father’s permission to marry in Islam, but that being said, it is much better to get it. It seems that your suitor is a wise person, and he knows that procuring his permission will prevent many problems in the future. His father’s lack of approval can be seen as an answer to your istikhara, as it is an obstacle in making this marriage happen. It may be better for you both to walk away from this and search for someone that makes both of your families happy.
Here are more details on reading an istikhara result:
Istikhara, The Prayer of Seeking Guidance: The Ultimate Guide – A Reader
Marry for Religion
And make the Prophet’s advice (Allah bless him and give him peace) your number one priority. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, which applies to both genders, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
In the meanwhile, prepare yourself for marriage by reviewing your personally obligatory knowledge and taking a course on marriage, and be sure not to get emotionally attached to any suitor that comes your way.
Please see these links as well:
How Can I Convince My Parents To Meet My Suitor of a Different Culture?
Must I Obey My Parents if They Refuse a Suitor From a Different Culture?
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
Reader on Parents Rejecting Suitors for Marriage
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
