How Can I Pray for My Sister’s Guidance?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I belong to a respectable family but one of my sisters is very sinful because she committed fornication many times in the last three years and got pregnant twice. My family is under stress because we tried to guide her with love, anger and through hard ways but still, she didn’t stop. The boy she is with is a very bad guy who is not even ready for marriage.

I tried my best for her to marry a good man, but all in vain because no one wants her. My sister also prays very hard for proposals not to come for her. I am praying day and night for her guidance but all is in vain and I don’t know what to do next.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am sorry for all the pain that your sister has caused your family and that she is transgressing against herself. However, I am certain that she won’t be like this forever.

Guidance

The important thing to remember is that no one can be forced into the obedience of Allah Most High. She may be acting out of anger or neglect or something else, but everyone is ultimately responsible for their own actions. Have faith that Allah will answer your dua, as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us,  “The supplication of every one of you is granted if he does not grow impatient and say: ‘I supplicated but it was not granted.’” [Muslim]

Steps

My advice to you is to try these steps:

• Bond with your sister and don’t talk about her disobedience at all
• Go out with her, talk about her feelings, her past, her own views
• Don’t ask her to pray with you as it is futile, but make sure that she sees you praying
• Take up a hobby with her, exercise with her, go out with her for coffee
• Bring fun religious people around the house and let your home be full of good, religious positive people who won’t judge her
• After you have become close sisters again, wait for her to ask you for advice because she will eventually tire of this lifestyle
• Make dua for her constantly, especially before dawn, and between the adhan and iqama
• Stop attacking her altogether, it’s not working, just build trust, this will take years

Please see these tips as well:
How Can I Advise My Non-Practicing Sibling?
Younger Sister Woes: Dealing With Wisdom & Leading By Example
Guiding One’s Family Towards the Good: Advice & Tips

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani 

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.