How Can I Overcome My Fear of Falling into Kufr and My OCD of Constantly Apologizing?

Answered by Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

Question

I became heavily afflicted with waswasa when I was unemployed, mainly around najasa, but alhamduliLlah I recovered from that after starting work.

But recently have developed waswasa about actions or words of kufr. Also, I’m obsessed with an intense fear of being “rude,” and I keep obsessively saying sorry, and it’s upsetting my parents.

I used to say bismillah before everything I do, but a shaykh said it’s kufr to say bismillah before watching tv, as it contains haram things – and he said saying bismillah before eating something that’s not halal is kufr.

Is this true? Pretty much any media consumption involves some haram things like women without hijab or some music with haram things in it etc. So can we not say bismiLlah before watching tv or using the internet, what about saying bismiLlah before leaving the house as you might see an uncovered woman, etc.?

I am, insha Allah, about to do nikah, but in her culture, we can’t consummate until walima a few months later. I am constantly worried and thinking about how anything of kufr can nullify the nikah before consummation a‘udhubiLlah may Allah protect me. I found an opinion saying if we go into khalwa, it can count as consummation.

Shaykh, is there an opinion that says any acts of kufr don’t affect the marriage from any madhab, so I can take rukhsa?

Sometimes Muslim friends of mine make a joke on some topic that may actually be interpreted as kufr.

I’ve read your guide on how kufr needs to be intentional, and you can’t accidentally do it, but I want a personal answer because it tears apart my mind and depresses me. Sometimes and my brain or shaytan finds a way of confusing me.

I also have this obsession that is driving my parents crazy. I have this intense fear that if I’m slightly rude or have an argument–disagree with someone and they get annoyed with me, it means I’ve argued, and my dua won’t be answered, and I’ll be punished. So then I have to beg forgiveness. Almost every single conversation I have with my parents ends with me saying, “I’m sorry for being rude, I’m sorry.”

Someone in the masjid turned on the fan, and someone else thought it was me and looked angry at me, and I looked back at him and said, “It’s a bit warm,” so he got angry with me. I felt like I had had an argument and needed to resolve it and apologize and say sorry.

And I’ll never criticize someone in case I’m being rude. This is driving me crazy and upsetting me. Is there actually any hadith or fiqh about arguing or being rude, causing one’s dua not to be answered, or severe punishment? The main problem is that my older brother is sometimes very harsh and rude to me even if I’m not saying anything, but even then, I will try to say “sorry for being rude” because I’m scared it means I’ll be punished and my dua won’t be accepted.

I can’t leave any single interaction with a human without saying, “sorry for being rude.” And it makes me seem very weak, and if they know me for a while, they will think I’m a bit weird. Like I will tell a joke, then think what I said might be offensive and start saying “Sorry.”

May Allah forgive me for anything haram I’ve said.

Kind regards

Answer

OCD

I pray you are well.

It’s clear that you have OCD, and it’s manifesting itself in religious matters. Worrying about falling into disbelief or offending people is a symptom of your OCD. The urges they cause can be very strong, and we know that there are some uncontrollable matters which a person is not taken to task for.

The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Indeed Allah has overlooked mistakes, forgetfulness, and being forced [to do something] for my umma.” (Ibn Majah). Although the compulsion referred to in the hadith is the type that comes from another party, we can infer that Allah’s mercy would also extend to some behavioral compulsions too.

Based on this, jurists have said that the divorce of someone like this would not apply if he were compelled to say the word repeatedly. [Haskafi, al-Durr al-Mukhtar]

Relax and Seek a Remedy

Therefore, you should not worry or be consumed by guilt. You have a condition, and Allah has provided us means to getting it fixed. Get some professional help. The therapies EFT, PSTEC, and EMDR work well with this issue. Please bear in mind that it may take time for the issues to go, and that is a test by which you will draw closer to Allah if you show the appropriate response.

Please refer to this answer too.

OCD-related answers are to be found in this reader.

Ask Allah for help, and seek a solution.

May Allah remove your difficulties very soon.

[Shaykh] Abdul-Rahim
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani