Should I Become a Second Wife to My Married Boyfriend?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m a converted Muslim (Hanafi), and I live in Turkey. I converted to Islam two years ago (I was Protestant). I wear hijab, and I follow all the sunnas from our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). I met my boyfriend a year ago, and we are so in love like we have never felt in our lives and we both want to marry. But he is already married and has three kids, ages 4, 8 and 13. He has been in an unhappy marriage for years just for the sake of the kids, but he doesn’t want to divorce his wife because it’s something extremely bad from where he is, and he could lose his kids’ custody. His family doesn’t know of my existence, but he asked me to do a nikah with him even though a second marriage isn’t allowed in Turkey. I want to marry him more than anything. What should I do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. May Allah bless you for following all the sunnas of our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), but you have omitted the sunna of being honest.

Second Marriage

It is illegal in your country to become his second wife, so you may not do so. You can move to another country where it is legal and live with him there. He will have to move his first family there as well. Is this the best option? No. The best option is to let him stay where he is, encourage him to mend his relationship with his first wife, and leave him. You deserve better.

Tawba

Repent now for what you have been doing, as there are no blessings in a relationship based on unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and lust. Be mindful that if you were to marry him, he would find another girlfriend after you and do the same to you. Follow the guidance of the Quran and Sunna, and Allah will grant you a husband who is honest and pious.

Remember this important hadith. Abu Qatada reports that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Most High, but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” [Musnad Ahmad]

Please see these links as well:

• What If I Fall in Love with a Married Man and Sleep with Him as a Convert?
• A Married Man Wants to Marry Me. What Do I Do?

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.