Is Allah Testing Me by Allowing Me to Love Someone Who I Can’t Be With?

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question

Is it true that Allah Most High puts emotions of love and affection in our hearts for someone? But my main problem is that I love a girl a lot, but she is older than me, and in the place I come from, they do not accept in my family that the girl is older. Although she is no stranger, she is my cousin, but no one, for some reason, accepts it.

Also, the family has decided to get her married to someone else, and she has accepted it. Now because of this feeling in my heart, I am hitting depression. I know Allah Most High tests someone, only to their limits, but I don’t know if I can handle it anymore.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

May Allah Most High bless you for your question.

You are correct that Allah Most High only tests people according to their ability. This life in its entirety is a test, both the times of ease and the times of difficulty.

Difficulty of Trials

It is undoubtedly very trying to get over such strong emotions of the love for someone. But remember that reward is apportioned to the extent of the difficulty.

Things Take Time

It would help if you slowly strived to rebuild your life and return to your routine. It will take time for your heart to mend, but it eventually will.

Practical Steps

Try to implement the following steps.

Pray the prayer of need. Candidly pray to Allah Most High to relieve you of this difficulty.

• Discuss with your family your intention to marry. Even if you can not marry this cousin of yours, you may find someone you find happiness with.
• Seek forgiveness abundantly (i.e., saying istighfar). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever holds fast to seeking forgiveness (istighfar) Allah makes for him a way out of every constriction, from every worry a relief, and provides him from where he could not imagine.” [Abu Dawud]
• Try to always keep in mind that Allah Most High knows what’s best for us. And that what we want often is not best for us. Focus your heart on seeking the contentment of Allah Most High and have a good opinion that Allah Most High will help you through this matter. Allah Most High says, “Perhaps you may dislike something, and it may be good for you, and perhaps you may love something, and it is bad for you. And Allah knows, and you know not.” [Quran, 2:216]

We pray this benefits you and shines a light on a way out of this difficulty.

And Allah knows best.

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he then completed four years at the Darul Uloom seminary in New York where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences. He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he stayed for three years studying in Dar Al-Mustafa under some of the greatest scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib. In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Qur’an and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Qur’anic exegesis, Islamic history, and a number of texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.