Does Divorce Come in Effect in Extreme Anger?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

I have been married for thirteen years, and my husband is kind but short-tempered. He sometimes gets furious. In a matter of seconds, he becomes highly abusive and violent, throwing things or breaking them and banging his head against the wall. It’s impossible to reason with him or calm him. He becomes scary and strange. In this raging anger, he has a few times said, and I divorce you, I will divorce you/hate you, etc.

Once calm, he does not remember most of what he said and has assured me that he just said, ‘I will divorce you.’ I am doubtful if it’s true or waswasa of shaytan that I have.
He is sure he has never divorced me, nor he intends to. I can confirm that he turns red, trembles, sweats, mumbles, and is unrecognizable in anger.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

I pray you are in good faith and health. It is sad to hear that everything in your marriage is going well apart from this matter.

As you have mentioned, your husband gets angry and violent to extreme anger, and divorce will still come into effect. Although, he says he sometimes doesn’t remember the exact wording he said. When he is calm, he comes to some realization and justifies otherwise, but this is not the right way.

The ruling of Two Divorces

The ruling of two divorces has come into effect, at least taking the bare minimum. As you mentioned, he has said it a few times. You will sit for a waiting period (idda) for three menses. During that time, your husband may revoke his divorce by verbally taking you back or being intimate with you.

The divorce becomes irrevocable if the husband does not revoke the divorce during the waiting period (idda’). Therefore, if he wishes to take you back after the waiting period ends, he can only do so after renewing the marriage (nikah) with a new marriage payment (mahr) and two witnesses.

Anger is of Three Types

• Early stages of anger are when one’s mind is sound and fully grasps and understand what one is saying; in such a case, divorce will be effected.
• Severely angry to the point of insanity, such one is unaware of what one is saying, etc., divorce will not come into effect in such a case.
• In between the above two states, one was extremely angry, not to the point of insanity, and was also aware of what he was saying. In this case, divorce will be affected. [Hindiyya, Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya; Al-Marghinani, Al-Hidaya; Ibn ‘Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar]

Divorce – the Most Odious of Permissible Matters

Abdullah ibn ‘Umar (Allah be pleased with him) reported from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace), said: “The most hated of permissible matters to Allah is divorce.” [Abu Dawud; Ibn Maja]

Divorce is the most hated of matters, yet once it is uttered clearly, or ambiguously, but with the intention of it, it will be effected. This is the reality.

Marriage-a Solution to Mutual Comfort

Marriage in Islam can be a mercy for the couple.

And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Indeed in this are signs for people who reflect. [Quran, 30:21]

Divorce-a Solution to Remove Mutual Harm

Divorce in Islam can be a mercy for the couple. The reason is if the intended goal of marriage is not attained – mutual comfort – then divorce is a solution to the difficulty.
Allah Most High stated in the Quran, ‘But if they choose to separate, Allah will enrich both of them from His bounties. And Allah is Ever-Bountiful, All-Wise.’ [Quran, 4:130]

All Divorce Counts – Our Duty is We Have to Submit to the Command of Allah Most High

Divorce in Islam is a sound solution when used in a time of need, just like medicine that benefits with Allah’s permission when used correctly. But if it is misused, it harms. In divorce, harm is removed from the husband and wife. It is legislated in Islam, and there is tremendous wisdom; at times, we might not understand the various situations, but we have to submit to the wisdom and command of Allah Most High.

Wisdom of Three Divorces

The scholars have commented on the wisdom behind making divorce three times:
The wisdom behind this command is to deter husbands from taking their wives’ rights and responsibilities lightly and making them like toys in their houses. So the husband is given the first divorce as a mistake, the second as a test, and the third as a separation.  [Ibn ‘Ashur, Al-Tahrir Wal-Tanwir]

Shaytan Most Pleased when Families are Broken

Jabir (Allah be pleased with him) reported,  The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, Satan places his throne over the water, and he sends out his troops. The closest to him in rank are the greatest at causing tribulations. One of them says: I have done this and this. Satan says: You have done nothing. Another one says: I did not leave this man alone until I separated him from his wife. Satan embraces him, and he says: You have done well.” [Muslim]

Please read the link below on the fiqh of controlling one’s anger.

Given the consideration in such cases, please sit down and discuss this issue with a reliable scholar and close family friend and save and protect the marriage by telling him to come to the realization, revoke the divorce and seek remedies to overcome his anger by suggesting to him to continually seek spiritual and professional counseling help, also to find alternative ways and cures for his anger.

I pray to Allah Most High your husband overcomes this and that you can live happily, Amin

Check these links:
A Little Fiqh on Controlling One’s Anger – SeekersGuidance
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani – “The Position of Islam on Divorce, Adoption and Abortion” – YouTube – SeekersGuidance
What are the Wisdoms behind the Rulings on Divorce in Islam? – SeekersGuidance
What is the Purpose of Marriage? A Muslim Perspective – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani – Bing video
divorce Archives – SeekersGuidance

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I pray this helps with your question.

[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani