Can I Marry a Non-Muslim Man Who Loves Me Deeply?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: Can I marry a non-Muslim man who loves me deeply, but who is not ready to convert to Islam? He believes in Allah, and never asked me to change my religion. I am stressed and very depressed about this matter.

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well.

Marriage to a non-Muslim man

“Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.” [Al-Qur’an, 2:221]

Dear sister, you cannot marry a non-Muslim man, no matter how much you love each other. Your marriage contract with him would be invalid, on the basis of him being an unsuitable marriage partner.

Practical Steps

It is difficult to think clearly when deep feelings are involved, so I encourage you to take a break from your relationship and think over these few points:

1) Make it clear that if he wants to marry you, then he must convert to Islam. If you waver on this point, then he will not consider conversion a priority. Alhamdulilah, you say that he already believes in Allah. This is a wonderful first step towards his embracing of Islam. It is only natural to want good for those whom we love, and there is no greater good than the gift of belief in Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him).

2) If he refuses to convert, then reflect upon the long-term ramifications of your situation. You are both in love, but your marriage contract will be invalid. Sexual intercourse with him will be zina. Your children will be illegitimate in the eyes of the Shari’ah.These are harsh truths, but important for you to consider for your sake, and that of your unborn children. Contrast this harsh reality to one much more pleasing to Allah: a loving marriage to a Muslim man who loves you, and who will help you raise your children on Islam. If he chooses to embrace Islam, then this man whom you love can be your husband.

3) Marriage takes more than love. It takes a life-long commitment to shared values, on a bedrock of strong faith in Allah and the truth of the Akhirah. If the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with is not Muslim, then how will you successfully weather the storms of the dunya? How will you teach your children about Islam when their father is not Muslim? Please consider doing this course, Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life, and encourage him to do the same.

4) Know that heartbreak, like all things in this world, is temporary. Right now, you may feel that you cannot live without him, and vice-versa. Please turn to Allah during this time of pain and distress, and ask Him to give you the strength to do what is right by Him. Please pray Salatul Istikhara to help guide you to what you need to do next, and please pray Salatul Hajat for the strength to remain steadfast.

5) Reflect on how you got yourself into this relationship to begin with. What is the state of your faith? Were you lonely? Are you longing for the companionship of a husband? Wanting to marry is natural and healthy. Choosing to marry a Muslim man of good character will give you happiness in both worlds, inshaAllah. Only a Muslim man can be your helpmate towards attaining Allah’s pleasure.

I pray that Allah grants you the wisdom and courage to do what is pleasing to Him. May Allah replace what you give up for His sake, with something far, far greater.

Wassalam,
Raidah

Please refer to the following links

Can a Muslim Woman Marry a Non-Muslim Man if Their Children Are Raised as Muslims?
Is There Any Leeway for a Muslim Woman to Marry a Non-Muslim Man?
Why Has Allah Allowed Me to Fall in Love With Someone I Can’t Marry?

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani