Why Has Allah Allowed Me to Fall in Love With Someone I Can’t Marry?
Answered by Ustadha Rahma Ahmed
Question: Assalam alaikum.
I am a Muslim man and fell in love with a sikh girl in graduate school. I left the school where we met since the marriage would be invalid. It has been 2 years and I thought my feelings for her would diminish over time but they have not.
1. First of all, why did this happen? Why did I fall in love with her in the first place if I can’t be with her? Its like (may Allah forgive me for saying this) Allah is taunting me in a way.
2. Secondly, I am pretty sure I am suffering from ishq, or passionate love. I heard a scholar say the cure for ishq is the union or connection. Yet what is my cure since I cannot be with her?
Answer: As salaamu alaykum wa rahmat Ullahi wa barakatuhu,
May Allah ease your pain and guide you to His good pleasure.
Everything that the Divine decides is perfect and balanced. The wisdom behind why we are tested with tribulation is known by Him and is sometimes disclosed to those who have knowledge. By acquiring knowledge and acting upon knowledge man understands that whatever the Divine chooses is the best. The tribulations and sufferings of this world can be a means of spiritual elevation and attaining closeness to Allah, Most High. It is needed for us to grow as human beings. Yet the tribulations and sufferings in this world are pale in the face of eternity and what will befall after death. By suffering in this world we come to understand how little we can bear the sufferings of the next world.
The believer recognizes everything–good and bad, pleasing and displeasing–as being a test. All of life, in reality is a test, as Allah Most High makes clear in the Qur’an: “He has created death and life in order to truly test you–which of you are best in deeds.” [Qur’an, 67.2]
Trials are either an expiation for sins or a means of raising one’s degrees with Allah, Most High. Scholars mention that our trials are filled with subtle blessings that we do not perceive but that are nevertheless there. Trust in Allah and accept His decree, while fully striving to alleviate the situation. Allah Most High states, “Perhaps you may hate something, yet it proves better for you” (2:216).
Our Beloved Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) confirmed this reality when he said, “How amazing is the believer’s affair! Allah decrees nothing for the servant except that it is good for him.” [Musnad Ahmed]
Our master Umar, may Allah, Most High, be pleased with him, highlighted some of the blessings of trials when he once said, “I was never afflicted with a trial except that with it Allah gave me four blessings: it was not in my religion; I was not barred from being content; it was not worse than it was; and I hoped for reward through it.”
Love is an essential and natural emotion that you have little direct control over. What you think about and what you do are things you can control, and are morally responsible for before Allah.
When any worldly love impinges on the purity of one’s love for Allah and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), then we chose lasting love over love that does not last.
The Beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“None of you [truly] believes until I am more beloved to them than their parents, children, and all people.”
As for the slave’s love for Allah, it is expressed initially in his submission to Him, in his seeking Allah’s pleasure and in avoiding all that displeases Him.
May Allah guide us to what is pleasing to Him,
umm fatima
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
