What Should I Do If My Parents Reject My Choice of Spouse?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I love and wish to marry a Muslim man from my city in India but my parents have ignored me saying that his family is not well-off or successful. I have tried to convince them for a year and I am fed up and tired now.
I considered running away with him but I don’t want to incur Allah’s punishment and their duas and curses against me. I don’t want his family to be hurt either because they like me. My family will not budge.
What is the solution? Should I have them talk? Is this right?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for wanting to do the right thing and for fearing Him. You are a very strong person for not giving up hope and I pray that a good solution can come out of this.
It is indeed very difficult to decide what to do here. Have you prayed istikhara? You say that he is good enough in religion, what does that mean? Does he pray five times a day and stay away from the haram? I know that you are in love, but I ask that you step back from your emotions and look at this logically. Beware of your emotions because the Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.“ [Abu Dawud]
The best advice that I can give you is to read these answers:
My Parents Disagree With My Choice of Spouse. What Do I Do?
What to Do When My Parents Reject My Choice of Spouse Because of Cultural Reasons?
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Please pray the Prayer of Need and ask Allah to guide you to the right steps. I know that if they haven’t met the boy, they will never say yes. That is usually the first step. I think it is worthwhile for him to come over with his parents and put a face to the name and give the situation more weight. It’s hardly something to consider when they only hear a name over and over.
Should you keep fighting for him? Act according to your istikhara. I do know that if you decide to walk away, you will heal from the pain with time. Or perhaps you need to convince your parents another way, start by introducing them. I pray that you can have a blessed union with whomever you may marry and that Allah gives you tawfiq in both worlds.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
