What Must I Do When My Past Sins Affect My Current Relationship?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
My fiance accidentally saw a video of me with another lady. Please advise me how I can change myself from my past now that I am newly engaged?
Answer
One’s past sins does not mean that one can’t change. However, in order for one to change and cast off their shoulders the burdens of their past, they must repent.
Repentance in essence is returning back to Allah. Returning to His obedience after having gone astray. Returning to His devotion after having been heedless.
Conditions of a Sound Repentance
However in order for the repentance to be sincere and sound one must fulfill the following conditions:
(1) Sincere remorse for the sin
(2) Immediately leaving the sin
(3) Firm resolve never to repeat the sin
Part of this repentance would be to delete such videos/pictures of any past-illicit relationships.
All Sound Repentance is Accepted
Know that if one makes a sincere repentance there remains no doubt of its acceptance. Just as no thirst remains after taking a drink of water. [Ghazzali, Ihya ‘Ulum al-Din]
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The one who repents (sincerely) from a sin is like one with no sin.” [Ibn Majah, Tabarani in al-M’ujam al-Kabir, and Bayhaqi in Sh’ib al-Iman]
Dealing With the Effects of Sin
Since your fiancé saw the videos, it is her choice if she wants to go ahead with the marriage. All you can do now, is to apologize to her, show her your sincerity in wanting to change, and pray to Allah Most High. However, in the end, the decision is hers and that must be respected.
Repent to Allah and seek help from him. Pray the prayer of need.
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he completed four years at the Darul Uloom seminary in New York, where he studied Arabic and the traditional sciences. He then traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he stayed for three years studying in Dar Al-Mustafa under some of the greatest scholars of our time, including Habib Umar Bin Hafiz, Habib Kadhim al-Saqqaf, and Shaykh Umar al-Khatib. In Tarim, Shaykh Yusuf completed the memorization of the Qur’an and studied beliefs, legal methodology, hadith methodology, Qur’anic exegesis, Islamic history, and several texts on spirituality. He joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
