What Are the Proper Etiquettes of the Wedding Night?
Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah
Question: Assalamu alaykum
How does one enter into his wife on the wedding night when she is a virgin?
Also, any prayers to say?
Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam. I pray this finds you in the best of states.
Jazak Allah khayran for your questions. May Allah reward you for seeking out the proper manners relating to the wedding night.
Alone for the first time
When the couple is alone for the first time, it is natural that they will be shy with each other, so it is important that they take the time to break the ice and feel comfortable. One should make light conversation and be kind and gentle. The Prophet ﷺ sat beside A’ishah on the wedding night and shared a large cup of milk with her [Musnad Ahmad].
Supplication
It is sunna for the groom to place his hand on the bride’s head and make the following supplication,
اللهم اني اسألك من خيرها و خير ما جبلتها عليه و أعوذ بك من شرها و شر ما جبلتها عليه
‘O Allah, I ask You for her goodness and the goodness which You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from her evil and the evil which You have created in her’ [Abu Dawud]
Praying together
It is recommended that the couple then pray two cycles of prayer in congregation, the groom leading the bride.
Make supplication afterwards for a blessed marriage, to make your married lives pleasing to Allah and a source of drawing closer to Him, and seek refuge from any evil and displeasing acts.
Consummating the marriage
When the couple wishes to consummate the marriage, then the groom should take extra care to be gentle, considerate, and patient with his bride.
They should take their time and begin physical intimacy with foreplay, the groom ensuring that his bride is aroused before intercourse.
When it comes to intercourse, the groom should say the following supplication quietly to himself,
بسملة اللهم جنبنا الشيطان و جنب الشيطان ما رزقتنا
In the name of Allah, O Allah, protect us from Satan and protect whatever You give to us from Satan [Al Bukhari]
If the husband fulfils his desire first, he should not withdraw until his wife has also fulfilled her desire as well.
If the above steps are taken, you would have performed the noble sunnas of the wedding night, observed the best of etiquettes, and started your marriage on the best footing.
You may also find the following answer useful in dealing with any anxieties relating to the wedding night:
Will the Angels Curse Me If I Delay My Wedding Night?
May Allah grant you a blessed, pious, and harmonious union.
Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah
Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.
