Should I Stay in Parent’s House or Wife’s Parents House?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

My wife wants me to live with her at her parents house. My parents won’t allow it.

What should I do?

Answer: Wa’alaykum assalam.

While it is important to give everyone their due rights, especially parents, there comes a time when a person has to assess a situation himself, and make a decision that he feels is the right thing to do, even if others disagree. You can’t please everyone all of the time.

Given the situation you have described, and if this is just a temporary situation, then I suggest that your wife stays at her parent’s house and your parents stay in their house, until the work in your house is complete. That way you are not asking anything from anyone.

As for yourself, if your wife has her own family around her and your parents are dependent on you, then it might be a good idea to stay with your parents, and visit your wife when you can during the week. Preferably, you should stay overnight with your wife twice a week, not leaving more than 4 days apart between visits, if this is possible. Your parents will just have to accept this. There is nothing to lose respect over.

If your parents are not dependent on you, then there is nothing wrong with you staying with your wife at her parents’ home. In this case, visit your parents in their house when possible.

If your parents get upset or angry, then be patient and kind with them.

Discuss things with your wife and your parents, make a firm decision, and pray Istikhara. Then act.

I wish you all the very best.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.