Should I Still Get Married Despite Not Being Inclined To?

Should I still get married despite not being inclined to?

Dear questioner,

May Allah, Most High bring clarity to your heart and keep you firm on the straight path.

In general, Spending multiple years trying to get married to someone is highly discouraged. Having a relationship with someone of the opposite gender for a long period of time will eventually lead to a situation that will displease Allah, Most High. Here is what I recommend:

You and the sister should immediately repent to Allah, Most High for being intimate outside of marriage, even if it was not adultery. Repentance attracts the Mercy of Allah, Most High, and is a means for guidance in difficult times.

Please see: Reader on Repentance

After repentance, you should perform the prayer of seeking guidance with the intention that Allah, Most High places the right choice in your heart. A choice that will benefit you and the sister in the world and the hereafter.

Please see: Reader on Istikhara

You should never feel forced to marry anyone despite what previous actions you may have committed. A marriage done superficially will not last and the bond of love cannot be built.

The fact that you have been with this sister for 6+ years is a sign that you get along, even if you may argue every now and then.

If she is a person of religion, good character, and has an interest in marrying you, then you should consider this a good sign.

The fact that both your parents are also on board with the prospect of marriage is a good sign.

You should create a list of why you believe this relationship is “toxic,” and share this with your potential spouse. If she feels the same way, then you both can agree to mutually end things.

If you feel confident that this marriage will lead to future problems in religion, health, or even divorce, then do not continue in this pursuit. Seek forgiveness from the sister, her parents, and your parents.

Remember to learn from these past 6 years. Honor and Chastity are principles of Islam, and they are not meant to be played with.

Finally, please consult with local scholars on this issue.

Given the considerations in such cases, we urge you to please consult reliable local scholars or counselors about the specifics of the situation. Jazakum Allah khayr. May Allah facilitate all ease and good for you.

And Allah knows best,

[Ustadh] Omar Popal

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani