Should I Reject the Perfect Suitor Because of His Height?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I met somebody on a matrimonial website and after talking for a bit, he made it clear he wanted to marry me. He involved his family and started the process, soon after. He is exactly the kind of practicing Muslim man I have always wanted to marry. He is kind, sincere, and very empathetic. I have yet to find a man as emotionally intelligent as him. However, on the physical side, he isn’t the most attractive to me. His height is the same as mine and I can’t seem to let it go. I have yet to meet him in person and will do so when his family comes, but I just worry that I will miss out on someone special because I can’t look past his physical appearance. Besides istikhara, what can I do to do right in this situation?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your discomfort but I highly urge you to look past his height and consider him for what is going to be the weightiest thing on the Day of Judgment.
Prophetic advice
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When one of you intends to propose marriage to a woman; if he can look at that which will induce him to marry her, he should do so.” [Abu Dawud]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also gave this golden advice to girls’ guardians: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to (someone under the care) of one of you, then marry to him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil (fitnah) in the land and abundant discord (fasad).” [Tirmidhi]
And for seeking women, he said, (Allah bless him and give him peace), “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari & Muslim]
Height
You can see from the above what is truly important. Your question is premature as you have not seen him yet. It is sunna to look at a suitor before deciding to marry; once you see him, you will know how you feel. I urge you to remember that his height is not going to affect how he provides for you, how he supports you, how he raises your children, how he hugs you, how he looks at you or how he smiles at you. His height will not hurt you in any way. His character is what will last into your old age, it will not diminish his piety, nor his devotion to his family or his Lord.
Please see these links as well:
Important Traits to Look for in a Prospective Spouse
I Wasn’t Attracted to Someone I Was Speaking to for Marriage. What to Do?
Should I Consider Beauty in a Prospective Bride?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied Aqidah, Fiqh, Tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied Fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
