Is It Permissible to Love Someone Without Being Married?

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil tackles the question of the possibility and legality of loving someone before marriage.

Question:

Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

Is it impermissible to love a girl before marriage?

Answer:

Assalam alaykum wa rahmat Allah wa barakatuh.

I pray this finds you well. Please forgive me for the delay.

Ruling

An important general rule to keep in mind is that which leads to the impermissible, is impermissible. Remember that what is in the heart manifests upon the limbs.

Please wake up in the last third of the night and perform The Prayer of Need. Beg Allah to remove this tribulation from your heart.

Marriage

Narrated ‘Alqama: While I was walking with `Abdullah he said, “We were in the company of the Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) and he said, ‘He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power.” [Bukhari]

Is the woman you are in love with suitable for marriage? Please perform the Prayer of Guidance about how to move forward. If the signs are positive (ease in your affairs), then take the steps to marry her. If the signs are negative (difficulty in your affairs), then please try your best to let go of her.

I recommend that you busy yourself with good. Fast, do good works, and keep good company. Be with those who remind you of Allah. Be part of a regular circle of knowledge, and be of service to those less fortunate than you.

Love

Remind yourself that in Islam, love flourishes after marriage. This is the kind of love that will bring you closer to Allah, and not farther away.

Please see:Marriage in Islam: A Reader

I pray that Allah guides you to lasting success in both worlds.

Wassalam,

Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani