Parents Don’t Approve of Marriage Despite My Conversion

Question: I am in love with a Muslim girl but her parents won’t approve of our marriage. She has asked me to revert to Islam and I have. I started praying (with just the actions) and learning Arabic. I also fasted Ramadan. I am 35 and it is difficult to learn but I am trying my best. I will go to the masjid and accept Islam openly but I am afraid because I am alone. My mother supports my decision; my father has passed away. Her parents still refuse despite my conversion. We are both depressed now.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. First, let me congratulate you on your conversion! You have achieved a tremendous feat by converting, starting to pray, learning Arabic, and fasting. This is certainly not easy, but I pray that you have found peace and happiness in your heart from this.

Going to the mosque

There is no explicit obligation for you to go and convert at the mosque, but it would be better for you. You may be alone now, but if you go to the mosque and get to know the imam and the community, you won’t be alone anymore. The mosque is your best point of support and learning about Islam will become much easier with everyone’s help. May Allah make it easy for you to travel this path and open many doors of success, barakah, and progress for you. Please see this link for excellent articles about and for new Muslims:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/category/articles/converts/
Also, consider taking free courses on Seekersguidance in order to develop your newly-found religion. Try this one:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/courses/introduction-to-islam-what-it-means-to-be-muslim/

The girl’s parents

I am so sorry that your conversion has not had any positive effect on her parents. Unfortunately, this is something that you have to leave in Allah’s hands. The best thing that you can do is exactly what you are doing now. Learn Islam to the best of your ability, apply it, and your sincerity and du`as will not go unrewarded. Learn and progress in your religion despite what is going on around you, you will not regret it.

Supplicate

Pray the Prayer of Need before dawn and supplicate to Allah for all that you desire.  This is an auspicious time, as the Prophet has told us, “When half of the night or two-third of it is over, Allah the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says: Is there any beggar so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven? (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak” [Muslim].

Recite these du’as, even in English: https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/general-artices/selected-prophetic-prayers-for-spiritual-physical-and-emotional-wellbeing-by-chaplain-ibrahim-long/

Meet them, pray istikhara, and walk away if you must

Your good character, uprightness, sincerity, and patience is what you can offer to her family. Have you met them? Have you told them about your journey to Islam? Can you explain to them that you are financially able and settled in order to take care of their daughter? Have they had a chance to get to know your character? The girl should try to have you all meet so that both parties get to know each other and make a clear decision.

You and the girl should also pray Istikhara, the Prayer of Seeking Guidance. See it here:
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/answers/hanafi-fiqh/istikhara-the-prayer-of-seeking-guidance/
https://seekers.flywheelstaging.com/articles/general-artices/the-reality-of-istikhara/

If the parents do not agree, it is not possible to go forth with the marriage, so you would have to walk away and move on. Please don’t let this drag on and don’t get into a physical relationship with the girl, or the separation will be more difficult. Rely on Allah and trust that He wants what is best for you and we don’t know what that is. I know that it may be heartbreaking, but you, and the girl, are stronger than you think and Allah knows what is better for us.

I pray that you can both have success in your endeavors and that Allah blesses you both in this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.