My Parents Won’t Let Me Marry Before My Older Sister

Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari

Question: I am currently university student. I want to get married. I have talked to my parents about getting married but my parents are very set in their ways on having my older sister married first. However, my older sister won’t be done with school for 3 more years and my parents won’t let her get married until she finishes. They told me to wait until my sister is done with school and is married and then I can get married.

My dilemma is that I really want to get married because of my fear of committing zina. I currently have roommates who are Muslim but they don’t abide by gender separation rules in Islam, so they bring guys into the apartment despite my objections. I am constantly being surrounded with temptation to commit zina. I am scared that one day, I will fall to temptation and commit zina. I want to know if there is any dua or prayer that I can do to help me getting married?

Answer: In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful

Dear Sister,

Thank you for your question.

You can recite “Our Lord! Grant unto us mates and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.” Al-Furqan (The Criterion) [25:74]

You can also pray the Prayer of Need.

You should also petition your parents to reconsider their decision. Not everyone can get married on a delayed timetable. There are several hadiths that warn of the dangers of unnecessarily delaying marriage. While I can understand their emphasis on school–as a married mother in grad school, I can definitely say it’s a struggle–it is possible to be married and in school and do it successfully if both spouses are on the same page and are willing to talk about family planning.

So please have a heart to heart talk with your parents and sister. There’s no reason to put your life on hold based on your sister’s educational plans and I’m sure she’d agree.

I pray you can reach a solution,

Zaynab Ansari