My Friend Committed Fornication in the Past, and Wants to Tell Her Prospective Husband About It. Is This a Good Idea?

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Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: One of my friends committed fornication with someone. Now her family is searching for a groom for her. She wants to tell her future husband that she has committed fornication because she feels that it is wrong to live a lie. What should she do?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for having sincere concern for your friend.

Exposing sin

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “Every one of my followers will be forgiven except those who expose (openly) their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allah has covered for him, and in the morning, he would say (to people): “I committed such and such sin last night,’ while Allah had kept it a secret. During the night Allah has covered it up but in the morning he tears up the cover provided by Allah Himself.” [Bukhari and Muslim].

It is impermissible for your friend to expose her past sins to anyone. Alhamdulilah, her sincere repentance wipes her slate clean. She is not living a lie because the woman her future husband knows has been forgiven by Allah. She is not condemned because of her past mistakes. Shaytan wants us to despair in Allah’s Mercy.

Reality

Please tell her to not say anything to her future husband. This concept of ‘telling all’ goes against what Islam teaches us. Allah knows His creation. If she does confess her sin to her future husband, then she would run the risk of losing his trust.

Her feelings of guilt are a good sign, but exposing her sin will not relieve her heart. The conditions of a valid repentance are:

1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
4. (If it relates to the rights of another person, then to) Return the rights or property one wrongly took. [al-Bariqa fi Sharh al-Tariqa; Riyad al-Salihin]

[Excerpt from What is Sincere Repentance? By Shaykh Faraz Rabbani]

Moving forward

Salman reported that Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said: “Verily, Allah created on the same very day when He created the heavens and the earth, one hundred parts of mercy. Every part of mercy is coextensive with the space between the heaven. and the earth, and He, out of this mercy endowed one part to the earth; and it is because of this that the mother shows affection to her child, and even the beasts and birds show kindness to one another, and when there would be the Day of Resurrection, Allah would make full (use of Mercy)”. [Muslim]

Alhamdulilah for the Mercy of our Loving Creator, who forgives us when we return to Him.

Encourage your friend to guard her prayers, make continual istighfar, salawat upon the Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace), give in charity, and make continual shukr that Allah has blessed her with a second chance. Ask her to perform the Prayer of Need in the last third of the night and beg Allah to ease her heart and bless her with a beautiful marriage. This restlessness in her heart can only be cured by Allah, the Turner of hearts.

Please refer to the following link:
Informing a Prospective Spouse About Past Non-Marital Relationships
Can We Deny Having Committed Sins After We’ve Repented From Them?
A Reader on Repentance
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani