I Don’t Live Near Many Muslims. How Can I Get Married?
Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I am 21 and live in small town with very few Muslims. My parents are too busy working to look for a husband for me. I feel like getting married is impossible, and I am in so much pain. What do I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Marriage
Dear sister, you are still young. Please do not despair in the Mercy of Allah. Have high hopes in His plan for you, and trust that He will never let you down.
Please ask yourself – why do you want to get married? What can you offer a husband? What do you think a husband can offer you?
I encourage you to enrol in and complete this course: Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriages.
Dua
If you make intense supplication
and the timing of the answer is delayed,
do not despair of it.
His reply to you is guaranteed;
but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose,
and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire.
– Hikm of Ibn Ata’illah
You were created to know Allah. Your separation from Him is the metaphysical root of your longing. Even the most loving husband cannot soothe your heart the way Allah can. Get to know Him in the last third of the night, when everyone else is asleep.
Reality
The reality is that even after you get married, there is no ‘happily ever after’. Your husband and you will face common challenges – communication blocks, financial strain, in-law difficulties, child-rearing, and so on. These are all wonderful opportunities for growth, if you allow them to be, or they can be more causes of pain for you. Think of it this way: the way you handle being single now is a sign of how you cope with difficulty. Get better at coping with hardship while you are single, and you will be a much stronger, compassionate and resilient wife and mother, inshaAllah.
Practical steps
1) Make intense dua
Please perform the Prayer of Need, preferably in the last third of the night, and pour out your sorrow. Ask Allah for everything that you need, and trust that He will answer you.
2) Empower yourself
You are not a victim. You are an intelligent and capable young woman. Please sit down with your parents and come up with a plan of action.
3) Get support
If you need more guidance, then consider seeking out a Muslimah life coach. There are many online, so do your research and find one whom you can click with.
Please remember that nothing is difficult for Allah. Your responsibility is to take the means, and to leave the outcome to Allah.
I pray that Allah grants you strength, courage, and wisdom, and blesses you with marriage to a righteous man when the time is right.
Please see:
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
Love, Marriage and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.
Photo: Craig Nagy
