Is Reconciliation a Mandatory Step Towards Divorce?

Answered by Shaykh Jamir Meah

Question: Assalamu alaykum

I have asked my husband for divorce and left his home. He lied constantly and manipulated me, in doing so was abusive to me emotionally and psychologically.

He is now claiming remorse and is making drastic changes. He is suddenly presenting to me a life I wanted but I can’t help but feel it might be another trap.

I still love him, but I do not trust him at all.

Is reconciliation mandatory in such an event?

Answer: Assalam ‘alaykum. I pray you’re well inshallah. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties in your marriage. May Allah make your affairs easy.

Reconciliation before divorce is not mandatory, but is generally highly recommended. However, this also depends very much on the situation, the individuals involved, and the realistic prospect of future happiness and benefit to both parties.

Reconciliation

Allah Most High says in the Qur’an, ‘If you fear a split between them (the spouses), send one arbitrator from his people and one from her people. If they desire to set things right, Allah shall bring about harmony between them. Surely, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.’ [4:35]

In most cases, divorce should be the last recourse in a strained marriage. However, when the marriage has been abusive or the issues have reached a point where reconciliation is unlikely to bring about any real or lasting change, then it may be better to separate directly, and sometimes may even be necessary, such as in cases of abuse.

It is difficult to give further advice on your specific case and to say whether reconciliation would be recommended or not, without knowing the full details and severity of the situation as well as hearing both sides of the story. You and your family will be better placed to know if your husband’s change of heart and behavior is sincere or not.

Suggestions

1. Discuss the issue with your family and seek out further advice of trusted friends or local scholars if available.

2. Pray Istikhara for a few days and see where your heart lies afterwards. Ask Allah to guide you to that which is most beneficial for you in this world and the next.

3. Don’t make a decision hastily. Take your time, weigh up everything that has been discussed and the advice given, what your heart overwhelmingly inclines towards over this period, and then work out a way to resolve the situation with your husband in an amicable manner, whatever the outcome.

May Allah protect you from harm and grant you every happiness.

Warmest salams,
[Shaykh] Jamir Meah

Shaykh Jamir Meah grew up in Hampstead, London. In 2007, he traveled to Tarim, Yemen, where he spent nine years studying the Islamic sciences on a one-to-one basis under the foremost scholars of the Ribaat, Tarim, with a main specialization and focus on Shafi’i fiqh. In early 2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range of Islamic sciences, as well as teaching. Jamir is a qualified homeopath.