Informing a Prospective Spouse About Past Non-Marital Relationships

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question:If my prospective spouse asks me if I had any past relations, am I to deny having committed past sins, and am I to state affirmatively that I am in fact a virgin? Does my fiance have a right to ask me of my past sins/virginity? Does my stating in the affirmative take away the rights of my prospective spouse to obtain a virgin in marriage?
Also, if my prospective spouse suggests to indulge in sexual relations out of marriage just because we would be married anyway, how do I explain to him that this is wrong? He is a very nice person of good character but unfortunately he is not very mindful/informed about many things about religion.
Answer:Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
No, you should not disclose details of past errors, including those related to virginity.
Sincere repentance wipes out the sin and its traces, and from the mercy of this religion is that you are still legally considered to be a virgin. Rejoice in the of the Prophet of mercy sent by the All-Merciful.
As for getting together before marriage, tactfully avoid. Keep contact to a minimum as best you can, and pray two cycles of the prayer of thankfulness and need daily– praying that Allah gives you a beautiful life together and save you from the impermissible before and during marriage. Ibn ‘Ata’illah said, “Whosoever’s beginning is illuminated, their ending is illuminated.”
May Allah bless and facilitate success for both of you in this life and the next.
See also: Is It Permissible to Lie In Order to Conceal Past Sins? and: Can One Lie About Past Sins?
And Allah alone gives success.
wassalam,
Tabraze Azam